Marc Kudisch - How I Saved Roosevelt lyrics

[RADIO ANNOUNCER, spoken] That was President-elect Franklin D. Roosevelt, ladies and gentlemen, speaking to a crowd of supporters here in Miami's beautiful Bayfront Park. A group of notables are pressing in around the President-elect's car. There's Mayor Anton Cermak of Chicago, and... There's been a shot! I can't see—wait! Mr. Roosevelt is waving! He's all right! But Mayor Cermak has been hit! The police have somebody in custody. An immigrant—Giuseppe Zangara. We take you now to a group of eyewitnesses who will tell us what they saw! [BYSTANDER #1] We're crowded up close And I see this guy He's squeezing by I catch his eye I say to him, "Where do you Think you are trying to go, boy? Whoa, boy!" I say, "Listen, you runt You're not pulling that stunt No gentleman pushes his way to the front." I say, "Move to the back!", which he does With a grunt— Which is how I saved Roosevelt! [BYSTANDER #2] Then— Well, I'm in my seat I get up to clap I feel this tap I turn—this sap He says he can't see I say, "Find a lap And go sit on it!" Which is how I saved— [BYSTANDER #3] Then he started to swear And he climbed on a chair He was aiming a gun I was standing right there So I pushed it as hard as I could in the air Which is how I saved Roosevelt! [ALL THREE] Lucky I was there [BYSTANDER #1] That's why he was standing back so far [BYSTANDER #3] That's why when he aimed He missed the car [ALL THREE] Just lucky I was there Or we'd have been left Bereft of F.D.R [ZANGARA] You think that I scare? No scare You think that I care? No care I look at the world No good, no fair Nowhere When I am a boy No school I work in a ditch No chance The smart and the rich Ride by Don't give no glance Ever since then, because of them I have the sickness in the stomach Which is the way I make my idea To go out and k** Roosevelt First I was figure I k** Hoover I get even for the stomach Only Hoover up in Washington Is wintertime in Washington Too cold for the stomach in Washington— I go down to Miami, k** Roosevelt No laugh! No funny! Men with the money They control everything Roosevelt, Hoover— No make no difference You think I care who I k**? I no care who I k** Long as it's king! [BYSTANDER #4] The crowd's breaking up And I hear these shots And I mean lots— [BYSTANDER #5 (HIS WIFE)] I thought I'd plotz— [BYSTANDER #4] I spotted him— [WIFE] My stomach was tied in knots— [BYSTANDER #4] So I barrelled— [WIFE] Harold—! No, happened was this: He was blowing a kiss— [BYSTANDER #4] She means Roosevelt— [WIFE] I was saying to Harold, "This weather is bliss!" [BYSTANDER #4] When you think that we might have missed Seeing him miss—! [BOTH] Lucky we were there! [WIFE] It was a historical event [BYSTANDER #4] Worth every penny that we spent [BYSTANDERS] Just lucky we were there! [BYSTANDER #1] To think, if I let him get up closer—! [BYSTANDER #3] I saw right away he was insane— Oh, this is my husband, we're from Maine— [BYSTANDER #2] He told me to sit, but I said, "No, Sir!" [BYSTANDER #4] This makes our vacation a real success! [BYSTANDER #5] Are you with the press? [PHOTOGRAPHER] Yes [BYSTANDER #5] Oh God, I'm a mess [BYSTANDER #1] Some left-wing foreigner, that's my guess— [ZANGARA] No! [BYSTANDERS] And wasn't the band just fantastic? [ZANGARA] No left! You think I am left? No left, no right No anything! Only American! Zangara have nothing No luck, no girl Zangara no smart, no school But Zangara no foreign tool Zangara American! American nothing! And why there no photographers? For Zangara no photographers! Only capitalists get photographers! [ZANGARA] No right, no fair, nowhere! So what? No sorry! And soon, no Zangara! Who care? Pull switch! No care, no more, no! [BYSTANDERS] Lucky I was there I'm on the front page Is that bizarre? And all of those pictures Like a star Just lucky I was there We might have been left Bereft of F.— D. R.!