Malvina Reynolds - Oh Doctor! lyrics

Oh, I wish I was a doctor, Not a barroom troubador, I wish I had an office On the forty-second floor, Where ladies in the anteroom, So stylish and so pert, All wait their turn To tell me where they hurt. Oh, Doctor, hold my hand. Oh, Doctor, I ache all over. Oh, Doctor, you're so nice And you give such good advice, I don't even mind the price 'Cause you're so grand. Oh, Doctor, hold my hand. Oh, Doctor, you're so sweet, With you on call a sickness is a treat. It could be psychosomatic, Caused by birdies in my attic, Still you make it so dramatic, I expand. Oh, Doctor, hold my hand. Oh, Doctor, I'm off my feed, I can hardly eat but three poor meals a day. I'd get back my appetite If you'd feed me day and night, Then I might endure a bite of something bland. Oh, Doctor, hold my hand. Oh, Doctor, I'm not well, Oh, Doctor, I've got a fever, It could be a mild infection That requires an injection-- Streptomycin's what I mean, you understand. Oh, Doctor, hold my hand. Oh, Doctor, your pills are just too cute. I really don't know what I'd do without them. Some are scented with vanilla, I just keep them on my pilla, Or I wear them for a necklace on a band. Oh, Doctor, hold my hand. Oh, Doctor, write me a prescription, A little billet-doux from you to me. Call me back another day, I get well when I'm away; It's so boring being healthy, strong and tanned. Oh, Doctor, hold my hand. Oh, Doctor, I'm just low. Oh, Doctor, I need attention. If you think I need diversion, I could take a nice excursion Where the AMA convention's being planned, Cause I love to have a doctor hold my hand.