Lucy Simon & Marsha Norman - Scene: Mary's Sitting Room / If I Had a Fine White Horse lyrics

If I had a fine white horse I'd take you for a ride today But since I have no fine white horse Inside I'll have to stay And empty all the chamber-pots And scrub the floors and such For what's there to do on a fine white horse? It seems to me, not much If I had a wooden boat I'd take you for a sail today But since I have no wooden boat Inside I'll have to stay And catch and k** the mice And pluck the chickens for the cook But what's there to do in a wooden boat But sit up straight and look? And worry our boat will start to drift And float us out to sea And land us on an isle of gold Oh dear, oh dearie me If I had a chambermaid I'd take you out to play today They say that there's a maze Where once you enter, there you stay For certain, we'd get lost And they'd come looking for our bones And find us sometime late next week And bring us tea and scones But what if there's a clan of trolls a'campin' 'neath a tree? Oh, what if there's a pirate's cave? Oh dear, oh dearie me If I wasn't so afraid I'd take you out the door today But talking birds and tales of faeries Keep me scared away And yes, I promised not to tell What else is there, although? If in the maze, you chance to see A garden guarded by a tree And meet a bird who speaks to me Then come and tell my fine white horse and me