Loudon Wainwright Iii - The sh** Song lyrics

When I run into friends of mine I haven't seen in years They give me the once over then their eyes well up with tears Then they pronounce me "looking great", I haven't changed a bit I flash 'em back a feeble smile; I know I look like sh** 'Cos I saw myself this morning, phew, and I know of what I speak I'm a human being, but I look like I reek And a weaker bathroom lightbulb just might take care of it 'Cos the mirror shatters your illusions when you look like sh** sh** comes in different colours, and consistencies I guess that I'm just aging like the finest wines and cheeses The guy that's me, who's in my dreams, is twenty-five or six I'm old enough to be his dad, how's that for parlour tricks? Life's a job you're fired from, unless of course you quit Gee, I wonder if that old blind guy knows that he looks like sh**? "Let's ask him!" "'Scuse me? No, over here!" Although I know it's natural, I still can't understand Once I looked like a million bucks, now, more like two grand We start out with a lot of time, but what happens to it? Times flies when you f** around and then you look like sh**! Oh, ain't it the truth, brothers and sisters? sh** comes in different colours, and consistencies "sh**'s a gift we make", Freud said, "Here, take mine won't you please?" Growing old ain't easy, it's a process so they say We proceed to our grand finales, every single day But dying doesn't worry me, I'm not bothered a bit I just don't like the thought of lying there looking like sh**!