Loudon Wainwright Iii - My Meds lyrics

Lipitor tore up my tendon, that was no damn good So now I'm taking Crestor, ‘cause the doctor said I should I cut back on the Avodart, it's every other night Lorazepam for those occasions when I'm wound too tight Sure Lexapro has cheered me up so much so I don't cry Or get it up; so I might give some Wellbutrin a try Girl, I swore off Cialis, I'm no longer in the mood Four hours at a tension, man, that could k** a dude They say Ambien's OK, long as you don't drive in your sleep If you operate machinery pray the Lord your soul to keep Be aware that Vesicare can cut down on the trips You make to tinkle in the night, plus subsequential drips Ear drops, eye drops, nose drops, ‘cause dried up's the shape I'm in It's like I need an oil can, I'm like that man of tin Ice packs and heat patches for my aching knees and back And that little baby aspirin to ward off my heart attack I went down to Chinatown, the herbalist was there I got some tea that tasted like a trucker's underwear Those acupuncture needles, nah, they don't hurt a bit And point of fact, those acupuncture needles don't do sh** I should buy a Thai ma**age to get a few good hugs Instead I head to the drug store and cop my load of d** When I was a little kid, I never popped no pills Just a Band-Aid and Mercurochrome could cure most of my ills Klonopin's a controlled substance so I'll bum ‘em from my wife If the side effects don't k** me, all my meds might save my life I could drink and smoke and red meat, dairy and caffeine I'm not quite high on life, just slightly dead, know what I mean? I even asked the doctor: “Doc, how long can this go on?” He said: “Son, you're out to pasture, your next stop is Forest Lawn You'll need something stronger than your Advil and Aleve If you want to eat and sleep and piss and crap and shtup and breathe” If you want to eat and sleep and piss and crap and shtup and breathe!