Larry Clinton's Bluebird Orchestra - Abercrombie Had a Zombie lyrics

Abercrombie Vanderslice the Third was a Caspar Milquetoast, if you ever saw one. There are lots of stories going round I heard. Oh he's not the same as he used to be. Oh, Abercrombie had a zombie. Abercrombie was so meek and quiet; Abercrombie was the tearoom type. Oh, you'd never think he'd start a riot; then Abercrombie had a zombie. Abercrombie never stole a hansom (1). Abercrombie never did a bump. Never thought of crawling through a transom; then Abercrombie had a zombie. He never sa**ed a cop; he never pa**ed a stop. He never drove a car into the Astor bar. He never tried to wade in the Aquacade; He was just an icky (2), I'm afraid. But like that other famous sinner, Abercrombie met his Waterloo. He's the man who didn't come to dinner; 'cuz Abercrombie had a zombie—or was it two? Abercrombie never hit Jack Dempsey (3). Abercrombie never cut a rug. Never tried to be Vaslav Nijinsky (4); then Abercrombie had a zombie. Abercrombie never climbed a steeple. Abercrombie never heaved a brick. And he never went on "We the People" (5); then Abercrombie had a zombie. He never played roulette; he never made a bet. He never learned to fly or gave a blonde the eye. He never paid a fine or led a conga line. He was just a comic valentine. At time the slowest horse gets racy, Abercrombie's no exception there. He's as daring as that guy Dick Tracy (6), since Abercrombie had a zombie—or was it ten? (1). Hansom: a type of horse-pulled cab. (2). Icky: a "square"; one who is not "hip." (3). Jack Dempsey: World Heavyweight Championship from 1919 to 1926. (4). Vaslav Najinski (1899/90-1950): Renowned danseur. (5). Popular radio program 1930s-1940s (later a TV program). (6). Dick Tracy: Comic-strip detective.