Kyle Spratt - Suicide Note lyrics

[Verse 1] Staring at my food but I can not eat it Laying in my bed but I am not sleeping Crying in my room and I keep it top secret Because people tell me they care but they do not mean it I'm cut open, even though I am not bleeding My heart's broken, so I'mma make it stop beating Someone runs in the room and screams "He's not breathing!" I'm rushed to the hospital to have a Doc treat it But he cannot beat it, there's no time at all Cause I just popped some pills with some Tylenol And 3 bottles of antidepressants, and Sambuca 40 ounces, got k**ed I didn't puke up anything There's no use in pumping my stomach Cause I'll just do it again I'm a lost cause, so f** it Everyone with grudges towards me is gonna love this The smiles on their faces when my d**h goes public [Hook] Cause I'm k**ing myself Taking matters to my own hands I can't picture myself as a grown man I don't wanna grow up I hate change and everything's just so rearranged My life's nothing but a disaster And time keeps going by faster But in a second all that sh** won't matter f** this I'mma k** myself [Verse 2] I act happy But I wanna die, I'm not gonna lie Thoughts of suicide keep crossing my mind on a regular basis Going crazy, cause I'm going through bullsh** on a regular basis Look me in the face, I'm sick in my eyes Cause I'm sick in the mind I've been wishing to die ever since I was 9 This isn't a lie I don't b**h just to whine Or bullsh** just to rhyme about it I don't cry just to spit Just to try to guilt trip Cause I could give two sh**s about your pity I ain't trying to get everyone to feel bad for me I'd rather dis everyone and make y'all mad at me I ain't a happy person and I ain't that liked Not even by myself I know I ain't that nice But people don't understand how much I hate my life Cause if they did they'd know how bad I want to take this knife and be [Hook] k**ing myself Taking matters to my own hands I can't picture myself as a grown man I don't wanna grow up I hate change and everything's just so rearranged My life's nothing but a disaster And time keeps going by faster But in a second all that sh** won't matter f** this I'mma k** myself [Verse 3] I quit, I'm bailing, I'm done I finally give up I'm sick of failing, I'm done trying to live up To the expectations everyone has set for me And trying to explain sh** to myself Always questioning about my destination f** my destiny No more relationships My friends are all dead to me My head is aching, and I don't have any energy I'm patiently waiting for the day that I can rest in peace And this medication is the reason that I don't get no sleep It ain't worth taking So I just take some ecstasy Then hear my friends "You're an E-tard f** up." Maybe k**ing myself will Make you retards shut up! Cause I only do it once in a while At times when I forget how to f**ing smile I hate being belittled when y'all act like you're Looking out for me If you were looking out of me then I wouldn't about to be [Hook] k**ing myself Taking matters to my own hands I can't picture myself as a grown man I don't wanna grow up I hate change and everything's just so rearranged My life is nothing but a disaster And time keeps going by faster But in a second all that sh** won't matter f** this I'mma k** myself [Verse 4] When the time comes I'll be crying then I'll have to get a hold of myself Call all my friends, and say goodbye to them Then get high and then call up all my friends again And say goodbye again And cry again Stop crying- smile Find a pen, write down some last words Somebody will find them when I'm in Heaven looking down on them Or who knows? The way sh**'s been going- maybe Hell, looking up on them But either way I'm watching I'm waiting their reaction Suddenly someone walks in Wait they ain't laughing They read it and start crying They actually do care I'm shocked, I can't believe they're sad that I ain't there They miss me Man what a horrible mistake I made And I can't take it back, it's way to late If only I could relive my life I'd re-make this song Rewrite the hook and it would be like.. [Hook 2] Life's sh** But I'm taking matters to my own hands I can picture myself as a grown man I wanna grow up, I can deal with change Even if everything gets rearranged Maybe my life's a disaster And time keeps going by faster But now I can see all that sh** don't matter f** that I'mma live my life!