[one, two , three!] The first night that i come home So drunk i could not see Found a horse in my stable Where my horse oughta be Come here my little wifey Explain this thing to me How come a horse in the stable Where my horse oughta be? You blind fool, you crazy fool Can't you never see? It's only a milkcow You're granny sent to me I've traveled this world over Ten thousand miles or more But a saddle upon a milkcow's back I never did see before The second night that i come home So drunk i could not see Found a coat a-hanging on the rack Where my coat oughta be Come here my little wifey Explain this thing to me How come a coat a hanging a hanging on the rack Where my coat oughta be? You blind fool, you crazy fool Can't you never see? It's only a bedquilt You're granny sent to me I've traveled this world over Ten thousand miles or more Pockets upon a bedquilt I never did see before The third night that i come home So drunk i could not see Found a head a-laying on the pillow Where my head oughta be Come here my little wifey Explain this thing to me How come a head a-laying on the pillow Where my head oughta be? You blind fool, you crazy fool Can't you never see? It's only a cabbage head You're granny sent to me I've traveled this world over Ten thousand miles or more But a moustache on a cabbage head I never did see before