Kool Keith - How The f** You Get A Deal lyrics

[Intro] [KEITH] A&R? I'm lost and a little wack, just...not like them other guys, just a little wack I want a real record deal [RECORD EXECUTIVE] A real record deal? Ok. Ummm, what ya do is You're gonna get on your ashy a** knees, you're gonna s** some white co*k You're gonna take your left hand and grab my nuts for promotion Ya gonna take the right one and tickle my an*s for distribution And what you're gonna do, you look like you can't dance a lick So we're gonna get you two pairs of white converse And some big fat bu*t big b**hes from down south with big a** lips to dance for you We're gonna have somebody write your lyrics, cause you're wack as f** And then we're gonna make you a f**in' star guy Oh sh**! Who's those f**in guys? Who the f** are those guys? Wh- YOUR sh*t IS WACK HOW THE fu*k YOU GET A DEAL x8 [KOOL KEITH/RHYTHM X] I'm mad, ok, call me Doctor Giggles With my Tonka toy trucks, smearin' doo doo in the halls I'm just a patient, yea, I'm on a second floor Bellevue Creek on my medical tour Yo hey Doc, let me shoot my skin with some accuracy How come I see red, a fireman after me Rappers better wait by the am-bu-lance Call they moms, X to emergency You got a mouse in your throat, you need an operation I take a Calico M and point and shoot it out Make you think you f**in' with a giraffe Holdin' a shark face Now how did that dog taste I was the man for years, we eatin' doberman Jeffery Dahmer callled and said, yo come over man I rather spread out MCs than eat a wildebeest Chew off his feet and bomb a Denorex, next I put his shoes and the wig and then a pickup truck Kids are cryin', can't find the little dog Hey Jimmy don't cry yo here's a little candy Now Hefty garbage bag might could even come in handy I got some beers and a soda in a pick-up truck You wanna hitchhike, I don't give a f** I ride around in towns like nothin' happen Fingas snappin', Ol' The k**a' keeps rappin' I move stop in a store, grab my M&M's Drink my Yoo-hoos, throw away my Slim Jims It's the baldhead kid, I own a Volkswagen The FBI knows he f**in with my station wagon I got no time for sleep, I know your address Yes, what you gonna buy me for my birthday? [GODFATHER DON] I'm in a world of sh**, caught between deals And foes forever, but executives are like eels I pack reels and tax sk**s, mad k**s Call the EMS cause Black Steel is here In the hour of chaos, some other Mayor Blow his f**in' a** away My hybrid model 29 with the twelve hundred FPS Mad cutters wear the f** the nine boots on With my sticka, I can't forget promotion Now I cause commotion, like plasma in the ocean I con-taminate like a virus I check the iris, fly this try this You need Midas righteous when you know I'm gonna beat that a** Like ya local truant officer I get in that officer, without a condom I'm condescending, I find a blending of street savvy And camouflage khaki, don't forget that tech on ya neck Who keeps hittin', pig kickin', boot lickin' Always fryin' chicken Pickin' pickin' kickin' like gettin' gettin' wickin' New kicks from pickin' I'm tickin' tockin' like diarrhia droppin' Gimme a towel and wipe it on the walls, like Keith With peanuts, vultures are playin' basketball Stomp em, chomp em with ya dentures Human the adventures of the n***a' with the snot clocka' Chop ya like a ninja, when I injure I'm on the ill sh**, like kickin' n***as in the nuts I'm pourin salt in ya cuts Ya cuts s** chuck s** ya nuts So what's up with the f**in' of ya sista' hit me up Girl knees chucks like bees Headin' from the slaughterhouse I flip like a porter rock Don't let me hear sh** that ya lick Since I bought a Glock cause now you bought yourself The odds are in my favor, my rite feels s'ok Cause devils won't save ya from the man who'd take ya Produced Anita Baker, I took her home and laid her I hit her with a plate of this dick, she's rich so I ate her, f** it My nose in the bucket so I'll get it Call me Ice Cream Unit cause my sh** is wicked [UNKNOWN] Wiggidyjat tat is the sound of my gat As I clap a mothaf**a' tryin' to flip like an acrobat D-giggidyjade tha record, figgidy f** tha mic checka' Skigigidy skids I never sweat it cause it j'ain't no betta' I used to play that hand way back 'bout a year ago But ask about me now, "that n***as alone bro" Tryin' to swing an f-beat, so brothas are you ready Don lay the track so I rock it rap steady HOW THA fu*k YOU GET A DEAL [KEITH] Hello? Hello record company executive? [RECORD EXECUTIVE] Yes? [KEITH] I realized what real rap was about, and I...want to get a release [RECORD EXECUTIVE] You want a release? Ok kid, tell ya what... I want you to bend over cause I'm gonna f** ya I'm gonna keep on f**in' ya until you stay on my f**in' label I'm gonna get you two orange techs, a white camouflage suit and some silver boots I'm gonna shave your head, and send yaout as the crimson dynamo. Ok? You're gonna be on tour 24/7, 7 days a week, 365 days a year with an occasional day off to come s** this f**in' dick. You're gonna love it kid, you're gonna be big...