Oh yeah, up my a** Up my a** Up my a** A lit candle Up my a** A firecracker, a finger, a thumb Up my a** An egg, a vibratin' egg, a scrambled egg Up my a** A dil*o, strapped onto a mannequin, wearing a Nixon mask Up my a** Power tools, an electric drill A screwdriver, a monkey wrench Up my a** A monkey Up my a** A potpourri of a**orted fragrances Up my a** Up my smelly a**hole 'Cause I'm not one of those guys Who walks around pretending That my sh** don't stink My sh** stinks I admit it And right now There is a lot of sh** Up my a** Up my a** Up my a** Up my a** And to the left Up my a** Step right up Step right up Come one, come all Up my a** Everyone and everything Up my a** Everything except for your skanky Bullsh**, artificial, plastic dick (oh yeah) Looks like you bought it at the K-Mart (Up my a**) f** you with your bogus dil*o(oh yeah) You can shove that up your a**, honey, not mine Up my a** I got a special gift for you Right here Come and get it It's up my a** Up my a** Up my a** Up my a** The Louisiana Purchase Up my a** (up my a**) The Encyclopædia Britannica (Up my a**) Up my a** (Up my a**) Your grandmother Up my a** Shields and Yarnell Up my a** Chocolates Lollipops Cakes and pies And it's all for free Children Children