Kevin Bloody Wilson - Dick'taphone lyrics

HELLO OPERATOR. I'D LIKE TO MAKE A CALL CAN I HAVE 477 3104? I'M SORRY SIR, COULD YOU REPEAT THAT NUMBER ONCE AGAIN? 477 3104, DID YA GET IT THEN? COULD YOU SPEAK A LITTLE SLOWER? 477'S ALL I GOT 3104, ARE YOU BLOODY DEAF OR WHAT? LOOK, I GOT THE FIRST BIT, BUT I JUST CAN'T GET THE LAST WELL STICK THAT F*CKIN' PHONE UP YOUR F*CKIN' ARSE CHORUS STICK THAT F*CKIN' PHONE, UP YOUR F*CKIN' ARSE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO F*CKIN' HELP, NOT MAKE IT F*CKIN' HARD I'M JUST TRYIN' TO MAKE A CALL, BUT YOU'RE JUST BEING SMART SO YOU CAN STICK THAT F*CKIN' PHONE, UP YOUR F*CKIN' ARSE GOOD MORNING I'M FROM TELECOM, COME TO DISCONNECT YOUR PHONE FOR A BREACH OF REGULATIONS JUST A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO YOU UPSET OUR OPERATOR WITH A PRETTY NASTY CALL WHAT ARE YOU F*CKIN' ON ABOUT? IT WAS ALL HER F*CKIN' FAULT! WELL SHE CLAIMS THAT IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT, SHE REALLY WAS DISTRESSED WHAT ABOUT YOUR CUSTOMERS, SHE UPSET ME FIRST! WE'VE GOT HER WRITTEN STATEMENT, WHICH SHORTLY WILL BE READ BUT IT MIGHT HELP IF YOU'D RECALL EXACTLY WHAT YOU SAID I SAID CHORUS WELL THAT'S NOT EXACTLY ON SIR, IT'S JUST NOT ON AT ALL YOU MUST USE COMMON ETIQUETTE IF YOU WISH TO MAKE A CALL AND 'PLEASE' AND 'THANK YOU' ALSO HELP, YOU CAN'T TALK TO HER LIKE THAT 'PLEASE' AND F*CKIN' 'THANK YOU' WELL YOU F*CKIN' TELL HER THAT! AND SHE KNOWS WITHOUT A TELEPHONE I'M REALLY IN THE sh*t WELL PERHAPS IF YOU'D APOLOGISE THAT JUST MIGHT HELP A BIT APOLOGISE? APOLOGISE? APOLOGISE TO WHO? JUST GO IN AND ASK FOR OPERATOR 42 GOOD MORNING, ARE YOU WAITING? IS THERE SOMETHING I CAN DO? YES, I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO OPERATOR 42 I'M SORRY SIR, I MISSED THAT, COULD YOU REPEAT WHAT YOU JUST SAID? AH sh*t! I DON'T BELIEVE IT! HERE WE F*CKIN' GO AGAIN! OPERATOR 42, LOOK I'LL JUST WRITE IT DOWN OH OPERATOR 42, I'LL SEE IF SHE'S AROUND JEEZ, THEY'RE BLOODY USELESS, I'M SURE THAT THEY'RE ALL DEAF NO WONDER THAT I DID ME QUINCE, NO WONDER THAT I SAID CHORUS NOW THEY'LL MAKE ME SIT AROUND AND WAIT ALL BLOODY DAY JUST SO THEY CAN MAKE ME SWEAT AND HAVE THE FINAL SAY THAT'S LIKE THE PUBLIC SERVICEM THEY MAKE YOU SCRAPE AND BBOW ARRGGHH sh*t! SHE'S F*CKIN' UGLY, IF THAT'S HER COMING NOW! I'M OPERATOR 42, I'M BUSY, MAKE IT FAST DID A BLOKE TELL YOU TO STICKTHAT F*CKIN' PHONE RIGHT UP YOUR ARSE? YES HE DID, THE FILTHY ANIMAL, I REMEMBER NOW WELL YOU'D BETTER F*CKIN' BRACE YOURSELF 'CAUSE THEY'RE BRINGING IT AROUND!! CHORUS X 2