Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk At our Christmas party We were drinkin' champagne punch and homemade eggnog Little sister brought her new boyfriend He was a Mexican We didn't know what to think of him Until he sang Feliz Navidad Brother Ken brought his kids with him The three from his first wife Lynn And the two identical twins From his second wife Mary Nell Of course he brought his new wife, Kay Who talks all about AA Chain smokin' while the stereo plays Noel, Noel, the First Noel Carve the turkey, turn the ballgame on Mix margaritas when the eggnog's gone Send somebody to the Quik Pak store We need some icing and extension cords A can of bean dip and some Diet right A box of tampons and some more Burl Ives Hallelujah, everybody say cheese Merry Christmas from the family Fran and Rita drove from Harlogen I can't remember how I'm kin to them But when they tried to plug their motor home in They blew our Christmas lights Cousin David knew just what went wrong So we all waited out on our front lawn He threw the breaker and the lights came on And we sang Silent Night, oh Silent Night Carve the turkey, turn the ballgame on Make Bloody Marys 'cause we all want one Send somebody to the Stop 'N Go We need some celery and a can of fake snow A bag of lemons and some Diet Sprite A box of tampons and some Salem Lights Hallelujah, everybody say cheese Merry Christmas from the family Feliz Navidad