I stole a quarter when I was a kid And momma said I'd be sorry for the sin that I did And daddy whopped me And the preacher said shame But I guess the Bible lessons didn't take 'Cause I cuss and I smoke I laugh at dirty jokes The minor vices, man I know 'em well I've closed down bars I've lusted in my heart My ex-wives think I ought to burn in Hell But the devil won't even notice when I die Don't ya figure, he's got bigger fish to fry Boss Hogg, politicians taken' pork-barrel bribes Crooked corporation honchos get off with no time Christmas Eve burglars stealing good children's toys Pop stars hanging out with little boys Yeah, I cuss and I smoke I laugh at dirty jokes The minor vices, man I know 'em well I've closed down bars I've lusted in my heart My ex-wives think I ought to burn in Hell But the devil won't even notice when I die 'Cause I figure, he's got bigger fish to fry There's gonna be a bonfire burning An everlasting barbeque But with all the bad stuff going on There ain't gonna be room for me and you Yeah, cause I cuss and I smoke I laugh at dirty jokes The minor vices, man I know 'em well I've closed down bars I've lusted in my heart My ex-wives think I ought to burn in Hell But the devil he won't notice when I die Don't you figure, he's got bigger fish to fry The way I figure he's got bigger fish to fry Man, it's hot in here