Ahem, excuse me, I’m new here, how do you do this? My sword’s too big, it’s a burden to move Is this normal? I’m getting awful blisters Ouch, why does my sidekick have paws and whiskers? I never was much of a hunter Don’t want any fresh air, much less a sunburn But I just heard pests are in excessive numbers Except they’re not vermin, they’re all monsters Now the fifth fleet needs me to come tag in? I’d rather kick back, drink mead by the flagon I’ve never seen a beast, forget defeat elder dragons My weapon’s heavy, I bet that’s why my feet have been dragging I’m no Frodo Baggins, already wanna go home I feel like David fighting Goliath without any stones Agh! Close call but I dodged and rolled I just saw that monster swallow another one whole With fearsome fangs and claws I’ll tear you limb from limb To fight free from my jaws You must unleash your beast within Yikes, if I gotta do this, I gotta start small Zorah Magdaros, that’ll be the long haul Tracked down a Pukei-Pukei, felt bad for him though When I cut his tail off, wailed on him, smashing his skull He had his back to the ropes, I loved the action so I challenged a Ratholos, my a** was toast Carted off by my Palico, back to camp Grabbed a lotion and a potion, and went back again I’ve been trekking with my weapon, guess I’m getting the hang of it I built a bone hammer, you could say that I’m nailing it Plus a drum made of lightning ’cause I wanted to play with it Rip out a monster collar bone and sharpen my blade with it I’m a proud hunter now, and I see the appeal I get prepare in Astera before eating a meal I tend to ignore how little sympathy that I f eel Whenever executing a creature and hearing it squeal I wonder how many calories did I burn Driving out the line of fire from a wyvern I wacked Anjanath in the face, he’s limping away I couldn’t help giggling when I splintered his legs And then I’ll let him decay after I get what I came for Wait, maybe I’m getting a little carried away? No I’m here to take names and break necks Oh sh**, did I just wake up the apex? You’ve stirred my appetite You sword will shatter on my skin I’ll hack and slash and bite Will you unleash your beast within? Come on scout flies, make proud guys Find their hiding spot and I’ll stomp out lives It’s about time to climb up and mount spines Smack ’em down, laugh out loud, while they writhe around dying It’s the thrill of the hunt, still bubbling in my blood I get a little pumped up when I k** ’em for fun And then I carve up their carca**es for parts Their claws and jaws could make great armor – smart Just a few more scales, a carapace A Great Jagras mane, a Girros fang Some Legiana plates, a Barroth scalp Add Radobaan shell, all kinds of hides and pelts And then I’ll tear the talons right out of your toes Oh no, Anjanath I got your nose bone I get such a rush whenever I’m cutting ’em up So make like Diablos, go back under the mud Because you’re bigger but you’re nowhere on my level though You can choke on your tail, Deviljho Call me Kula-La Ku, I’m running circles on you I take a Michael Jordan leap and treat your head like a hoop Now tell the Commission, I’ve picked up the addiction ‘Cause I’m ripping up monsters and I call it a living Don’t matter if you’re thick-skinned, quick, strong or limber I’ll hit ya where it hurts till I call out “Timber!” Have mercy on my soul I will surrender at your hands I’ll hunt you to your home And slaughter all your monster friends