Jordan Vella - Sixteen lyrics

I'm sixteen scared of co*kroaches the future and commitment I'm sixteen and apparently the weirdest thing about me is that i haven't had s**? but they don't know that the “stretch marks” they see are scars from flaw I've found they don't know that the reason i didn't go to that party is because it was 14.6 miles of my house so it would take me 4 hours to walk home when i inevitably had an anxiety attack and couldn't ask anyone for a ride because I was scared they'd find me a problem they don't know that i have “trust issues” because when i was two my dad left my mom? they don't know that i have problems with people touching me because every time they do ill cringe away, afraid that somehow they'll be able to see all of this through the heat exchanged between their hand and my shoulder they know I'm intelligent but they don't know that i am failing three cla**es due to the fact that i honestly can't seem to care about my grades because ill be dead at the end of this they don't know that i can plan my d**h in18 different scenarios at any given point like right now? at this given moment? (As if you were in bentleys) drunk driver makes a turn to early, crashes his car into the window and hits me, i can imagine my brain hemmoraging, blood leaking veins tangeling I'm sixteen and i spend more time thinking about how I'm going to die rather than live and its terrifying bc i can't plan my future if i don't believe I'm doing to have one life moves at 100 miles per minute for me between groups and therapy, between meetings with the case manager i shouldn't have i don't have time to breath all i know how to do anymore is swallow the pill, lie to my therapist, hide my wrists and repeat and it's sad I'm sixteen i should be worried about boys or cars or what imgetting my best friend for her birthday i shouldn't be worried about missing my daily dose of fluoxentine or slipping into insanity itself but i am losing the battle against my mind i can feel myself letting go