Jordan Gelber - Everyone's A Little Bit Racist lyrics

[Princeton] Say, Kate, can I ask you a question? [Kate] Sure [Princeton] Well, you know Trekkie Monster upstairs? [Kate] Uh huh [Princeton] Well, he's Trekkie Monster, and you're Kate Monster [Kate] Right [Princeton] You're both Monsters [Kate] Yeah [Princeton] Are you two related? [Kate] What? Princeton! I'm surprised at you! I find that racist [Princeton] Oh, well, I'm sorry, I was just asking [Kate] Well, it's a touchy subject No, not all monsters are related What are you trying say, huh? That we all look the same to you? Huh, huh, huh? [Princeton] No, no, no, oh, not at all I'm sorry, I guess that was a little racist [Kate] I should say so You should be much more careful When you're talking about the sensitive subject of race [Princeton] Well, look who's talking! [Kate] What do you mean? [Princeton] What about that special Monster school you told me about? [Kate] What about it? [Princeton] Could someone like me go there? [Kate] No, we don't want people like you [Princeton] Ha ha ha ha ha, you see? You're a little bit racist [Kate] Well, you're a little bit too [Princeton] I guess we're both a little bit racist [Kate] Admitting it is not an easy thing to do [Princeton] But I guess it's true [Kate] Between me and you [Both] I think everyone's a little bit racist sometimes Doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes Look around and you will find No one's really color blind Maybe it's a fact we all should face Everyone makes judgments based on race [Princeton] No, not big judgments, like who to hire Or who to buy a newspaper from [Kate] No [Princeton] No, just little judgments like thinking that Mexican Busboys should learn to speak goddamn English [Kate] Right! [Both] Everyone's a little bit racist today So, everyone's a little bit racist, okay Ethnic jokes might be uncouth But you laugh because they're based on truth Don't take them as personal attacks Everyone enjoys them, so relax [Princeton] All right, stop me if you've heard this one [Kate] Okay! [Princeton] Alright there's a plane going down And there's only one parachute And there's a Rabbi, a priest [Kate] And a black guy! [Gary] Whatchoo talkin' 'bout Kate? [Kate] Uh.... [Gary] You were telling a black joke [Princeton] Well, sure, Gary, but lots of people tell black jokes [Gary] I don't! [Princeton] Well, of course you don't, you're black But I bet you tell polack jokes, right? [Gary] Well, sure I do, those stupid polacks, ha ha ha [Princeton] Now, don't you think that's a little racist? [Gary] Well, damn, I guess you're right [Kate] You're a little bit racist [Gary] Well, you're a little bit too [Princeton] We're all a little bit racist! [Gary] I think that I would have to agree with you [Kate & Princeton] We're glad you do [Gary] It's sad but true [All] Everyone's a little bit racist, all right All right All right All right [Gary] Bigotry has never been Exclusively white [All] If we all could just admit That we are racist a little bit Even though we all know that it's wrong Maybe it would help us get along [Princeton] Oh, Christ do I feel good? [Gary] Now there was a fine upstanding black man [Kate & Princeton] Who? [Gary] Jesus Christ [Kate] But, Gary, Jesus was white [Gary] No, Jesus was black [Kate] No, Jesus was white [Gary] No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus was black [Princeton] Guys, guys, Jesus was j**ish [All] *laughter* [Brian] Hey guys, what are you laughing about? [Gary] Racism [Brian] Cool [Christmas Eve] Brian come back here You take out lecycuraburs [Princeton] What's that mean? [Brian] Um, recyclables [Kate, Princeton and Gary] *laughter* [Brian] Hey, don't laugh at her How many languages do you speak? [Kate] Oh, come off it, Brian Everyone's a little bit racist [Brian] I'm not [Princeton] Oh no? [Brian] Nope How many oriental wives Have you got? [Christmas Eve] What? Brian [Princeton] Brian, buddy, where you been? The term is Asian-American [Christmas Eve] I know you are no intending to be But calling me oriental, offensive to me [Brian] I'm sorry, honey, I love you [Christmas Eve] And I love you [Brian] But you're racist, too [Christmas Eve] Yes, I know The Jews have all the money And the whites have all the power And I'm always in taxi cab With driver who no shower [Kate] Me too [Princeton and possibly Brian] Me too [Gary] I can't even get a taxi! [All] Everyone's a little bit racist, it's true But everyone is just about as racist as you If we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit And everyone stopped being so P.C Maybe we could live in harmony [Christmas Eve] Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist