Jordan Castro - A list of things i am going to do lyrics

i am going to rip a bone out of my leg and play it like an instrument, producing a sound like the one that windows make when a train rolls by i am going to shave my moustache and take the little hairs out of my sink with a damp kleenex and glue them all together to spell ‘EVERYBODY EVER' i am going to cut my ears off with the pliers of hope i am going to gauge my eyes with the broken screwdriver of luck and chance i am going to pull my tongue and teeth out with my bare hands, and feel surprised - as if this wasn't already a daily occurrence i am going to hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil b**hes... i am going to glue my newly a**embled moustache back on with “super-glue” that will prove to be D grade in quality and highly ineffective as time elapses and as my real one starts to grow back i am going to sneak to my downstairs bathroom while you are asleep, so you don't hear the noises i make when i poop i am going to drink until i throw up and then drink more because i can and because i have enough alcohol and because it seems okay i am going to call somebody i do not know and say “andy, i hate you.” and they will say “this is not andy, this is julia roberts. i think you have the wrong number” and i will say “i am sorry. i have always done better with concepts than with names and details.” i am going to remember “that one time when...” with a sense of vague longing and then i am going to think about the implications of that memory and stab my brain with a sharp loaf of bread “julia roberts, i hate you.” i am going to become increasingly self-absorbed and call myself an “existentialist” and you will look confused and i will say “we are confused.” and you will look more confused and i will say “it is okay.” and we will say “it is okay.” i am going to smile and jump around and produce amazing kittens that will fall from my bu*t hole and run away and then i am going to contemplate suicide and fall asleep with a half-empty bottle of whiskey in my hand, because it is impossible to feel any other way than these two ways ever i am going to be amazing and free and happy once i decide to be i honestly feel like i am capable of doing something amazing