Jon Cozart - Progressive Christmas Carols - 1016665 lyrics

[Intro] We wish you happy holidays Whoever you may be So Merry Christmas Kwanzaa Chanukah Or heck, all three We've modernized these jingles For the ma**ive bourgeoisie Love, The Updated Christmas Carol Team [Santa Claus Is Coming To Town] Oh you'd better not judge You'd better not hate You better not bully or Discriminate Progressive Santa's coming to town He's making a list Of gluten-free foods He won't take a peek At J-Law's nudes Progressive Santa's coming to town He's 50 different races And all for tax reform He'll protect all your children Well, as long as they've been born You'd better watch out-- Too far? Okay [RUDOLPH] Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer (Reindeer) Had an advantageous nose (He outlived his friends) He pa**ed his bright red traits on (Traits on) Darwin said that's how it goes (Evolution's not a theory) [Mary Did You Know] Mary did you know That your baby boy Supports the NRA? Mary did you know That your baby boy Is white? Did you know-- [Deck The Halls] Deck the halls with kujichagulia Kwa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wanza Give zawadi Hang benderas Kwa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wanza Throw your hands up in the air-a-- [Mr. Grinch] You're a green one Mr. Grinch You're lacking in finesse That greenish epidermis Determines your success Mr. Grinch Racist Who's constrain you to the issues they continue to suppress You're an outlier Mr. Grinch You give the Who's a fright They say your heart is 3/5ths normal You're either wrong or white Mr. Grinch Don't walk the streets of Whoville You might fight a cop the Who's will not indict [White Christmas] I'm dreaming Of a racially ambiguous holiday [Away In A Manger] Away in a manger With Jesus and crew His schmeckle got cut Cause hey Christ was a Jew [O Holy Night] O holy night The stars are brightly shining It is the night Jesus did something holy (I don't know the whole story) Joseph watched golf (Right?) His leather chair reclining As Mary birthed a child I think a donkey was involved (Need help here...God?) Three wise men came With GPS they found Him Christ lied in a barn As his omniscient baby daddy tucked him in Jesus crawled on his knees His mom shared it on snapchat O bright device O night When Christ celebrated Christmas