Jon Cozart - Politiclash lyrics

[Introduction] Who are you gonning to vote for? Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 2016 presidential debate Get your popcorn ready This is...politiclash [Verse 1: Hillary Clinton] Five, six, seven, eight! Hi, Hillary here, (Woman up!) Been in power for many a year Spent a decade or three in political spheres You say I'm just first lady? You're k**in' me here Strolling up to the White House, I never forget The smell of carpe diem carpet bombs and ceiling the debt Back when I operated Bill like a marionette Sporting Gepetto stilettos Taking on ghettos and terror threats Then real boy toyed with the wrong brunette Pinocchio-ing, poking around to get his wood wet Still eight years running, didn't break a sweat Left with my head on my shoulders I'm no Marie Antoinette My speed is breakneck, take checks Won't apologize for the upset Didn't die with my man, this ain't no Romeo, Juliet Mama's back for the votes, just call me suffragette Forget Bill, I'm an à la carte oligarch and I'm crushing it Hi, Clinton is back, (Suit up!) In a pantsuit and on the attack, (Brute up!) Protecting people from here to Iraq Gonna pick up that torch from Barack You can sing hallelujah, but I'm too much to Handel Forget Shonda Rhymes, I invented the Scandal Benghazi Nazi paparazzi come and stir up another fuss Call TIME magazine, I'm the queen of the cover up's Gonna kick a** and take blames Upper cla**, I'll take aim Put Bernie in an urn and fight the fanboy-fanned flames I'm hyper activist The lion, elephant's nemesis An emotional strategist, black mamba, I'm venomous Wrathful warrior pacifist, channel Yahweh in Genesis I'm the gaudiest, godliest, godless, minimal feminist I'm HRC, New election, new me All hail the female in 2016! [Transition Clinton-Trump] (Trump): Eh, Hilarry, can I talk? (Clinton): No? (Trump): Terrific [Verse 2: Donald Trump] So we're supposed to elect you just because you're a woman? You're less likable than Cruz, and he looks like a melting snowman Such excitement for indictment, this email thing's a bad omen Getting cold, better run to Putin before you get Snowden Don't be alarmed, it's just me, the real Donald Trump I'm here to smear to give your ladies and your ratings a bump You pumped? I'm the buyer's choice to make America great again Mission's simple: Give permission to let Americans hate again Speaking of which, Obama's a m**m, talk about foreign aid Where was he born? Africa? I popped out in suede And hey, when life gave me millions, I made billionaide Best served on ice with a plate of Barack O'BBQ in the shade Money, money, money, money~ Took my casino earnings, brought some cash to the party Just spent a weekend at Bernie's And now we're crashing the parties Poaching establishment voters on a Ferrari safari Talkin' a big game sipping on some fascist Bacardi Jk, I don't drink, I have self-control Unless you're not-white, Rosie O'Donnel, or an internet troll Blew up Republican politics like the law was Sharia Made Chris Christie my b**hie Turned Carson into Madea Ted held hands with Fiorina while my fans filled arenas Poor bruised abused Cruz I stole his role in God's Not Dead 3-uh Bernie, baby, take notes from a true inside outsider You're a dumbfounded dumb founder of a movement that floundered Your camp can riot at my rallies but don't show up to fight Things get messy when teens start exercising their rights [Verse 3: Bernie Sanders] The Jew has risen...let's go! So you're worth millions Well I'm a meme, that's my net worth I'm set, working the net, go on and keep your networks I'm gonna polarize ya, pulverize ya, separate the truth from lies Ya can't stop the young people Bernie's gonna youthenize ya I'm new and old-fashioned, hi, I'm Bernie Sanders I came from the streets of Brooklyn to be your chief commander I meander gerrymandering and slander from a witch Which, by the by, is why I pitched a campaign for the no-rich niche Funded by Americans, Bernie's super packless No corruption, no greed I'm like a Shamwow, no mess Hit the campaign trail with black sails Eff the police I'm freeing the black males Stall white-collar low-ballers from tipping cash to tip the scales Gonna fill the jails with laymen Hope their souls are worth the savings Misbehave in the Caymens Trump, you're gonna go to hell for your havens, oh boy! Hey Satan, is this seat taken? America's gotta white-collar cravin' I'm the second most-popular socialist Jew gettin' praised in this nation If ya got a couple millions, you'll be revolushunned I got 99 problems, but my percent ain't 1