Joey Cape - 5000 Ways to Die lyrics

There must be 5000 ways to die And each one ends the same way if you try Your friends all stand around While they dump you in the ground And the people who loved you will ask "Why?" Oh why? Oh why? Oh why? And the ba*tard you hated the most Will stand up and give you a toast He'll say, "We were such good friends Especially near the end" Then he'll feel up your girlfriend in front of your ghost So get in your car and drive real fast Up in the attic with a shotgun blast Take a bath with a clock radio Vodka, valium, overdose Have you ever tried? There must be 5000 ways to die And if you're very lucky You'll get your picture in the paper on page three Twenty-five words will summarize How you spent your whole damn life One day, on that page Next day, into the hamster cage (get it) So get in your car and drive real fast Up in the attic with a shotgun blast Take a bath with a clock radio Vodka, valium, overdose All the glamour can be yours with a loaded .44 Have you ever tried? There must be 5000 ways to die