Jimmy Buffett - I'm No Russian lyrics

I'm no Russian Not even Prussian Doorman at the yacht club Was my one claim to fame Some say I'm nervy Hell, I'm from Jersey This chasin' money Can do things to your brain How does a shore boy like me Wind up out on the Black Sea Dropped out of Harvard Then joined the Coast Guard Manned a faithful 50 On a boat in Gitmo Did my duty But missed the boo-tay I heard that St. Barth Was the place I should go How could a coastie like me Sail off into infamy I couldn't surf or sing or play the guitar All I ever did was steal an oligarch's car My million dollar joy ride was not the perfect crime And those bad boys from Little Odessa Don't believe in wasting time A Lamborghini Elemento Ain't your average island car “park it close” the driver told me Sounding like some kind of czar With a bucket of Cristal And devil weed inside I thought it would be crazy Not to take a ride Flying through Gustavia Pa**ing Mini Mokes Gendarmes at the roundabout Didn't get the joke Speeding down the hill Like a Da**ault Mirage Parked it on the runway And headed for la plage Bar on fire Din of desire Dancing on a table She was waving me in Her name was Kira She knew no fear-a Then introduced me to Her vampirish friends I'd never seen such a girl Was she from some future world? Over thousand dollar vodka and kilos of caviar I told them how I'd commandeered the oligarch's car They were laughing, speaking Russian and getting over served When Kira looked at me and said “Could you take us round some curves?” A chick drone strike Is a lethal attack You never see it comin' And you can't fight back They feel entitled to all access From clubs to army camp-as If you don't believe it Ask those generals down in Tampa The KGB and coppers Soon joined in the chase Spectators lined the roads Like a grand prix race Dropped the girls at Ti St. Barth To get them out of the commotion Then I missed the curve at Toiny And drove into the ocean Underwater My world is sinking Will I wind up like p**y Riot That's what I'm thinking? Feeling foolish My fate's a mystery Don't want polonium Rolled up in my sushi Oh baby Jesus come through I am in need of rescue Now we can't leave this white boy Drowning in the dark What the hell was he thinkin'? You don't f** around with sharks Turns out the lovely Kira Held a most important tool It was her daddy's Lamborghini And she saved that crazy fool No he couldn't surf or sing or play the guitar They made an artificial reef out of the oligarch's car It was Kira lovely Kira who got him off the hook Then they took her yacht to Istanbul Just to take a look No, I couldn't surf or sing or play the guitar All I ever did was steal an oligarch's car My million dollar joy ride, was not the perfect crime but I'm not dead, still have my head This margarita needs more lime