Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh (Hi this is Jesus I can't get to the phone right now But if you leave a message after the tone I'll get right back to you) Beep Dear Jesus I don't believe in you no more Dear Jesus I think you should know the score I never met you Cos you lived a long long time ago Not to upset you But there's not a lot to know Born in a stable Is the story we were told He had a beard And you wore a lot of sh**ty clothes He walked on water then you held a kickin' party on the beach And the people gathered round to watch you talk and hail and preach But the bunch of pretty fishers turnin' water into wine Sure I'd be a true believer if I'd been there at the time Dear Jesus I aint buyin' all this sh** Dear Jesus I dont want no part of it Don't know what you had in mind, but I'm sure it wasn't this I met a couple of cool Christians, but the Rev's just take the piss They it's awful to be gay, cos there aint no family And they made you give them money when you see them on TV Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Jesus! Looks like we're gona hafta throw things down the old school way! What my mum said, Bring it on! Dear Jesus, el Presidente Declared war on them today He read the Bible, evidently And your Dad says it's ok Like this guy lives on my block He's such an a**hole to my mom And he flips off all the m**ms Like their doin' somethin' wrong I know plenty other dicks like that But this just makes it worse He thinks he is so much better Just because he goes to church Dear Jesus Dear Jesus If you come back just like you said you would I know that we could chill But these days we need some evidence To show that your for real Dear Jesus Dear Jesus Dear Jesus I hope you got my message when your back if you can If you even leave tonight, it's means I'm your number one fan