Jesse Dangerously - The Guest List lyrics

[Spoken Intro] [Shael Riley] So, this guy's like, “I like the lyrics, but your delivery was a little… hoarse.” [Schäffer the Darklord] Uh huh… [Shael Riley] And no kidding, MC Horse full-on kicks this guy's head through one of those stage amps [Schäffer the Darklord] Wow… [Shael Riley] Yeah, I'd never seen anything like- [Schäffer the Darklord] Wait, wait, wait. Hey. Hey! Kabuto! [Kabuto the Python] Oh, hey, Schaeffer, hey, what's up you guys? [Schäffer the Darklord] Hey. Thanks for inviting us, Kabuto! [Kabuto the Python] Aw, absolutely [Schäffer the Darklord] This is an absolutely star-studded party! [Shael Riley] Yeah, there's so many rappers in here… [Schäffer the Darklord] I can really feel the creative juices humidifying the air in here [Shael Riley] Did I ever tell you guys my secret fear? [Schäffer the Darklord] Yo, this music is getting me pumped! [Kabuto the Python] What's your secret fear, Shael Riley? [Shael Riley] I have this dream that I'm in a huge room full of, like, twenty rappers... [Kabuto the Python] Uh huh… [Shael Riley] And... one of them just suddenly starts... rapping, and it sets off some kind of... chain reaction, and pretty soon they're all just… rapping, at- at me- [Kabuto the Python] Well, then maybe you'd better get Schäffer- [Schäffer the Darklord] Yo… [Kabuto the Python] Hey, Schäffer! [Rapping] [Schäffer the Darklord] Yo! Bust into the party with a totally colossal posse Got a lot of awesome possums feeling awful naughty Got a pocket-slash-headful of d**, down and wicked Call me Ad-Rock, son, cuz I'm about to (Kick it!) Hop upon the countertops and talk a lot of rotten talk Pop a lot of bottles copping pot and only rocking socks A lady knows I'm Schäffer, maybe take her to the rooftop First I gotta pa** the mic before I crash or do shots [Adam WarRock] Bottle of Crooked Eye, looking fly, smoking lye At least that's what they say in them rap songs, amidoinitrite? I'm flipping a rhyme and k**ing the mic and keeping it tight, at least I'm Trying my best to appear like I'm macking some felines Beelines is made for that party dip, celery sticks Probably seen me, I'm that kid who's always getting in sh** Down in the South, we'd slow roast some pulled pork But on the internet, we pull corks with Dual Core [Int80 (of Dual Core)] Hey, I see a party (Dual Core!), no way to stop me Kicking ill raps like my verse knows karate (yeaw!) Honestly, I'd say there's no blocking me We've got the best rappers: it's an oligopoly (woah!) You'd prob'ly be better off with forfeits See, we bring the sting like a corset of hornets (bzz! bzz!) Similes are k**ing me, better rewind Old school like a honeycomb full of beehives [SayHi] Yo. Top of the circle, and I'm prob'ly gon' hurt you The punchline has got me looking like I'm boxing with Urkel I still admit it, though my rap's insane Like I'm walking up to crackheads and asking for change I grab two shots, but they handing me more Fast forward and I'm taking off her panties, of course I'm bout to get the sloppy because I'm ramming a Horde And bust a nut big enough to feed a family of four [Da Silky Slimz] [Big Wyrm] The new improved party worm, Wyrm, you get me? [Masta Don da Mastodon] Teach ladies how to sin [Big Wyrm] Dudes are learning envy [Masta Don da Mastodon] Ain't a person in the world that's ready [Big Wyrm] So forget ‘em [Masta Don da Mastodon] We bringing down the house [Big Wyrm] Like Slurms McKenzie Not having a meet greet [Masta Don da Mastodon] We spazzing like neat freaks [Big Wyrm] I'm snorting Dune spice off the back of a twi'lek [Masta Don da Mastodon] Dive into that blue [Big Wyrm] I'll leave her a** in a deep sleep [Masta Don da Mastodon] When Slimz go out to party [Big Wyrm] We ain't back for like three weeks [Mastodon] So at the crack of dawn, Masta Don still macking on Platinum blondes with the matchin' bras and panties off We get our beer on [Big Wyrm] We hit the beer bong [Masta Don da Mastodon] We playin' beer pong [Big Wyrm] Until all the beer's gone [Masta Don da Mastodon] We're more Irish than Sinead O'Connor's potato farmer [Big Wyrm] Chugging whole kegs [Masta Don da Mastodon] Like it ain't no problem [Big Wyrm] Y'all got on ya beer goggles on [Masta Don da Mastodon] Lordy lordy [Big Wyrm] Slimz got 20/20 [Masta Don da Mastodon] After forty 40s [Old Snake Da CQC MC] DAMN, I didn't get no Evite Sneak by security and now they sleep tight I step up in the party, lodi dodi And probably do shots off of hotties' bodies And if, you wanna co*k block and stop me Headshots instead, red dots, you're dead La La La La Li Lu Le Lo No respawns, lay low, this ain't a game bro [Beefy] Oldschool! Ring the bell and I'll jump into it quick I'm barely in your debt because I keep it Lannister rich I'm the incident that gets ya fired, kicked out of school So when your girl gets mad I stroll up asking, “How do you do?” (What's up, boo?) Beefy T kinda cool, but he ain't legendary Leave ya in a cemetery, only tell your secretary Drop the mic and break it so nobody else can go, yo It's out of my control, but that's the only way I close [who*emoans] Someone tell these dudes they need to quit playing There's a full moon out and my spirit animal is Saiyan Y'all don't want to see me like a movie starring a Wayans That isn't Keenan Ivory or Damon You told me to drop eight bars Motherf**er, I don't count, I just rhyme hard And when I go soft, I fluff myself I should have more confidence, as much as I love myself [The Scrub Club All​-​Stars] [MadHatter] Scrub Club in the house, raise up your hands Grab an energy drink, drop your pants and dance [Klopfenpop] Because the sans-pants dance is the stance of the club And we enhance tracks aptly while advancin' the love [Remi-son] Yo! Taking no pity on people who never show no love So I raise the stakes high if you want something from us. Yeah! [King Pheenix] Da Ro Fus, hold up your cups, watch the bird fly Inverted perversion of the words turns your third eye [Viet Vu] So high, like a bird's eye, in the midst of flight Drop bomb rhymes so fly, that's a skyline [Maros] Remind minds, we heavy, our rhymes remain steady ill Hope your body is ready, we murder beats... lyrik** [Buc Preston (of Southside)] My nut sack's spherical, yeah, I keep it snug f** your ironic roomba, yeah, I keep it smug [Thunderball (of Southside)] Dookie taker. Wake and baker Crack the wax, tall gla**, come on out, my Maker's [Navi] They got me sipping that overclocked firewater, gimmie any subject And I'll weigh in on a fat mic punkin drublic By comparison the half wit tip's so subtle On some Japanese drill bit gravel pit kerfuffle ‘Cept to cuddle won't let the flow hover round smooth In advance, bring days to rue And I'm sued by Darude for the Sandstorm madlib But still burning active, no Anatoly Dyaltov Billy goats paint gruff up in fifty coats And plagiarize 50 Cent Wikiquotes on sticky notes Navi knows second nature to the forte - But y'all cool, me I'm sorbet trays in Norway Hah! Yeah we can do this all day Yeah we can do this all day We can do this our way What's that weed smoke drifting down the hallway? [Mikal kHill] Antisocial, cold rock the party? Nah, rather chill solo Alright though, you got me here, f** beer Where's the Jack Daniels? I drink until I'm ‘bout to f**ing fly up off the handle I know you're gonna dig this I get ruthless Kick out the rhythms and I slap your mans toothless They like, “Who's this?” sh**, you show respect You ain't seen my name in motherf**ing Readers Digest? I'm the best, goddammit, I'm awesome Crooked teeth, broke gla**es - f** flossing It's Mikal kHill, mean mugging like you took my turn Rapping since I was five but now I'm back to burn [Sulfur] I strolled up to the door with a bottle in hand Half full, cause pregaming was the plan I could hardly stand, been drinking hard Made it to the door, already threw up in the yard Don't stare, it's a party right? I'm trying to throw up hands and get down tonight To the fright of whoever it was that answered my knock I walked right in and put my hands on my-- schmock Not a perv, just don't know how to dress Drunk as all high f**, not trying to impress Don't stress--I know you shouldn't party round kids Don't know who let ‘em in, but I kicked ‘em out, you dig? Feeling big, hit the kitchen for snacks When the boys in blue stopped me in my tracks As they cuffed and put me in they car Saw all my friends chilling in the neighbor's yard f**! [The Ranger] Now just lay back and let The Ranger serenade ya Major player in Australia with some bases in Asia Rival rappers, meet your maker like you are on Arya Stark's list A man's ready to rock a rhyme, so let me spark this A guest from NRS to bless the track and if you have to ask I'll attack you like I'm Stannis and I'll stab you with some dragon gla** Stick ‘em with the pointy end, you don't know, leave the mic alone sh**, you ain't fit to sit the Iron Throne, so go on home, nerd! [Billy the Fridge] (coughing) Man, I think I burned the edibles Can't eat the medical, eat the high chick's genitals Call me the General, the clit Commander Tongue lashing so fierce I hit innocent bystanders And my standards don't really exist So dirty nerdy girlies come give Billy a kiss And I really insist that she got awesome breasts A sight for sore eyes in this sausage fest [Random] It's a party going on and all my buddies are here I walk in high-stepping over puddles of beer Now let me cop a squat before I pop a shot Cuz I like to stay well-rounded, like Oswald Cobblepot Turn the music up and grab the cutie next to you Dance ‘til it looks like you're doing something s**ual Crash to the sectional and pick up the mic Kick rhymes all night to the party's delight, well, alright [Jesse Dangerously] At the rap party again, I'm Mad Martigan Cage dancing caveman jester, swag's ancestor Canada's Sage Francis? Honey, you flatter me Take chances - save the money for batteries That's French for drums - you think it's fresh, then come Get you some... and experience peer pressure from The best in the room. Enter una**uming? Ha! You been Sent to your doom, I guess the guests are not human! [Wordburglar] Somebody order a burg? Hold the mayo Kabuto called me up and said, “Come over right away,” so I grabbed a veggie tray and pop and chips Never show up empty handed, even brought some dips Got a new haircut and I ironed my pants And now the party's popping like you filled the dryer with cans Of spraypaint, make way and wake the neighbors Stay smooth all night like you shaved some ravers [MC Frontalot] I'm at Kabuto's! There seems to be a soiree, but I don't do those How'd this happen to me? Who knows Front'll hug on the wall, and watch all of you all ‘til the governor calls in the National Garden Association To report on what rappers are doing to Kabuto's mom's landscaping I'm saying that it's out of control But the whole joint's jumping up and that was your goal [Kabuto the Python] Dear everybody--guests that I wrote on the list Thanks for being on my song, y'all are doper than sh** And whether you be sipping cola or be smoking the piff You ought to know that this collabo was my Kokoro Wish Biggest posse track, thought it would be tough to sell But you all showed up and now I'm chuffed as hell The guest list definitely stuffed the bill (ho ho ho) And now we finna party like a Hutt cartel [Spoken] Yo. Shael, are you o- Ohh...