Jerky Boys - Sol's Turnstile - Sol Rosenberg lyrics

Reciever: (answers the phone) Can I help you? Sol Rosenberg (caller): Hello? R: Yes, can I help you? SR: Yes, I need a turnstile. R: Okay, what kind? SR: What do you mean what kind? R: Whoa just about 700 varieties... SR: (farts when the reciever talks) Oh my god! R: ...what's the application what are you using it for? SR: I'm gonna use it out front by the house by the walk way. R: You're gonna use it in front of your house. SR: Yes. R: By the walk way. SR: Yes. R: Okay, and what is the purpose of the turnstile? SR: Well, we have a lot of people coming in to view my mother. You understand? R: Okay. SR: Yes, she seems to have been lopped off one of her legs with a haycicle so all the neighborhood people come to see, you know. R: Come to see her? SR: Yes. R: Okay. SR: And, uh, I just wanted a turnstile so I can keep count. There's too many people at one time, you know. R: Mmm-hmm. SR: (farts again) Ow! R: You're looking for money or something like that, though. SR: Yes. Well, I just don't everbody filing in all at once and this would make them go in single file, you see. R: Mmm-hmm. SR: And my mother doesn't seem to mind very much because they leave a donation. R: Right. SR: And she lays into bed there and everybody comes to see her and I feel a little awful. R: Right. SR: Yeah. You don't have them I guess. R: We have turnstiles. But are you prepared to send 7 or 800 dollars for a turnstile. SR: We can make that in a day perhaps. It would pay for itself. R: Mmm-hmm. SR: You see? Do you put coins in it? R: No, but we can make them with coins but it would be awful expensive to have a token coin box on it. We have a portable turnstile. SR: Oh! So I could, uh, you know what I... R: You can move it wherever you like. SR: Then I could move it right the bed beside my mother. R: Right. SR: So you could walk around the bed and get with another turnstile, more money! You see. R: Yes, well. Someone would be there collecting the money. SR: My mother would hold I a cup. I would give her a cup. R: Right. SR: You see. R: Right. SR: You know we still keep the leg in the house too so she could... So what if people could look what happens if you play with a haysicle, you know. R: What's your address and phone number? SR: My address? R: Right. So we can send you a picture and a price. SR: I live at, uh, 26 (beep) West Street. R: And I'm speaking with? SR: Sol. I said Sol Rosenberg. R: Okay. SR: And my mother's name is Gimpy. You know. It's not very nice but, what is she gonna do about it. R: Okay, we'll send you something in the mail.