Jello Biafra - Buy My Snake Oil lyrics

I'm getting tired of being legendary and broke And I'm too damn weird to hold no straight job My checkbooks feeling unfulfilled Being an old underground die-hard Won't pay the kid's dental bills My Dad sez I got to learn to compromise So I figure now's about that time Now that I've run out of things to say That alone will make my music Pay Buy my snake oil I used to be so angry I ain't getting any younger Now I'm eager to please C'mon and buy my snake oil Till my well runs stinking dry I'll be your Rondo Hatton I'll be your Dwight Frye Get mighty jealous watching My old roommates getting signed The world owes me a living I want my taste of the pie Woh-oh-oh Buy my snake oil Meet my new band: Tits Ass and Money The most meaningless deliberately watered down music I have ever made Sing about my self instead of what's going on Company tells me how my records should sound Do what my manager tells me to Every inch a rocking dude Random shuffling same old cards Bring on the night, she done me wrong I love my weenie and I love my car Man it's such hell being a rock -n- roll star I'll tour 'till you wish I'd go home Moan about my life on the road 200 overdubs to sound sincere From now on every album sleeve's Just a great big picture of me Buy my snake oil Critics cheer how I've matured Got top management behind me, man Phone rings like never before: "I grew up on your stuff, man It means so much to me. I can hear it jinglin' now In commercials selling beer..." I got wiggle girl videos In heavy rotation If I dye my skin white enough I'll buy me the elephant man Woh-oh-oh Buy my snake oil And remember you got what you pay for And if that doesn't work I've got another idea Now that I've signed on the dotted line I'll call my music alternative Same word those lovely people used To hype the Knack in 1980 Join the College dollar emo-jangle Spoiled white music for spoiled white people Pat those slackers on the head To stroke and profit off of their fears: "Yeah man, It's Okay Feel sorry for yourself all day Life s**s cause it ain't easy Happiness should be handed to me..." Buy my snake oil Cleansed of vision and sense I'll bet your bottom dollar You'll let me get away with this I'll be your pregnant junkie Help you sell cigarettes Or a lonely tortured muscle hunk That no one understands Punk without rebellion We call it grunge for you I'll dress just like Don Henley And sing just like him too Boohoo-hoo-hoo-hooo Boohoo-hoo-hoo-hooo Boohoo-hoo-hoo-hooo Boohoo-hoo-hoo-hooo (repeat till Burger King espresso arrives) Down by the stream where my baby left me I stand in my flannel shirt looking confused A voice in the bushes say, "You got that look, I'm from Geffen records How'd you like a million bucks." O woh ho Poor pitiful me Born white in the worlds richest country I can't have my way life is so depressing Nothing's as important as me and my girl And if that still doesn't work I got another idea Give in Ride the punk nostalgia wave For all it's worth Recycle the name of my old band For a big reunion tour Sing all those hits from the "good ol' days" 'Bout how bad the good ol' days were And the orthodox Fundamentalist faction of the crowd Will say "Hooray!" How politically correct He's quit trying different ideas at last Obeying the same kind of stodgy rules Punk used to rebel against Buy my snake oil This is all I've got to say Unless this is your radio Looks like you already have Yeah, keep buying my snake oil 'Til my well runs stinking dry I'll be your institution Until the day I die Who cares if inspirations gone It's safe in this here stall I'll give the fans just what they want And nothing else at all Woh-oh-oh Buy my snake oil Buy, Buy, Buy B-B-Buy-Buy My snake oil And remember I did it all for the scene