Jeff Gangwer - Man Boobs lyrics

Life s**s big, black gorilla dicks When you're twelve years old And you've somehow developed These dangling targets that The other boys call “man b**bs”— Especially when most of the girls at school Are developing b**bs of their own— These captivating, itty-bitty wonders that You can only dream about touching or tasting— And when you're naked in the bathroom And you're looking at these useless, awkward Bulges that hang and flop from your hairless chest, You begin to cuss your rotten parents For every strand of their genetic garbage— These cursed, f**ing protuberances, you think— And life s**s a few more during every Desperate, painful round of Adolescent discomfort, Juvenile mockery, And outright, open-air humiliation— All so you can build and re-build your character— So you're somewhat prepared when you're Topless at the local swimming pool And the chill that hits you Freezes your tits into Stiff pepperonis— So the flat-chested, jacka**y beefcakes can Start grabbing and squeezing your man-chesters And roar with wicked laughter— Which, of course, attracts the attention of The horrid, pimple-faced girls who also join in the fun— Not because their b**bs are any bigger or any better, But because yours are the same size as theirs— And because they know that you want what they have— And you're never gonna get ‘em