Jed Whedon - Act 1 Scene 1: Horrible Theme/My Freeze Ray/Bad Horse Chorus lyrics

[Track 1. "Horrible Theme"] [Instrumental] [When the theme finishes playing, the lights in Dr. Horrible's lab come up. He is making another entry for his online blog.] [DR. HORRIBLE (immediately as lights come up, evil laugh)] AAAHHHH HA HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! So that's, you know...coming along. I'm working with a vocal coach; strengthening the "AAHHH". A lot of guys ignore the laugh, and that's about standards. If you're going to get into the Evil League of Evil, I mean you have to have a memorable laugh. What do you think Bad Horse didn't work on his whinny? His terrible d**h whinny. No response, BTW from the League yet, but, my application is strong this year; a letter of condemnation from the deputy mayor. That's gotta have some weight, so, fingers crossed. (awkward silent pause) EMAILS! 2sly4you writes: “Hey Genius” Wow! Sarcasm. That's ORIGINAL! “Where are the gold bars you were supposed to pull out of that bank vault with your trans-matter ray? Obviously it failed or it would be in the papers.” Well no, they're not going to say anything in the press. But, BEHOLD. Transported from there to here. [DR. HORRIBLE reaches off camera and brings into view a Ziploc bag with a metallic looking liquid inside. He pokes at it] [DR. HORRIBLE] The molecules tend to shift during the trans-matter... um... event, but they were transported IN BAR FORM and they clearly were...and by the way it's not about making money. It's about TAKING money. Destroying the status quo because the "status" is NOT "quo". The world is a mess and I just need to RULE it. I'm gonna...(sniffs bag) That smells like cumin. So, Trans-matter is 75% AND more importantly the Freeze-Ray is almost up. This is the one. Stops time. Freeze-ray. Tell your friends. We have... OH! Here's one from our good friend Johnny Snow. "Dr. Horrible. I see you are once again afraid to do battle with your nemesis. I waited at Dooley Park for 45 minutes..." Ok, DUDE you're NOT my nemesis. My nemesis is Captain Hammer. Captain Hammer, Corporate TOOL. He dislocated my shoulder... again... last week. LOOK! I'm just trying to change the world, OK? I don't have time for a grudge match with every poser in a parka. Besides, there's kids in that park, so... Here's one from DeadNotSleeping. "Longtime watcher, first time writing." Blah blah blah blah... "You always say on your blog that you will 'show her the way, show her you are a true villain'. Who is 'her' and does she even know that you're”... [As DR. HORRIBLE is reading the letter, he trails off. As this happens, we see the Laundromat and we can see PENNY doing laundry.] [Track 2. "My Freeze Ray"] [DR. HORRIBLE] Laundry day, see you there Under things, tumbling Wanna say, love your hair Here I go, mumbling With my freeze ray, I will stop the world With my freeze ray, I will Find the time to find the words to Tell you how, how you make Make me feel, what's the phrase? Like a fool, kinda sick Special needs, anyways With my freeze ray, I will stop the pain It's not a d**h ray or an ice beam That's all Johnny Snow I just think you need time to know That I'm the guy to make it real The feelings you don't dare to feel I'll bend the world to our will And we'll make time stand still That's the plan, rule the world You and me, any day Love your hair [PENNY, spoken] What? [DR. HORRIBLE, spoken] No—I… love the… air… (sung) Anyway, with my freeze ray I will stop... [MOIST, Dr. Horrible's evil henchman, enters the scene.] [MOIST] Hey Doc. [DR. HORRIBLE] Moist! My evil, moisture buddy. What's going on? [MOIST] Life of crime. Got your mail. [ MOIST hands DR. HORRIBLE a stack of soggy mail. He goes and sits on the couch] [DR. HORRIBLE] Hey, didn't you, uh, didn't you go on a date last night? Conflict Diamond told me you were doubling with Bait'N'Switch. [MOIST] Yeah... [DR. HORRIBLE] Yeah? [MOIST] It was alright. I kinda thought I was supposed to end up with Bait, but... [DR. HORRIBLE] I hear ya. I saw Penny today. [MOIST] You talk to her? [DR. HORRIBLE] So close. I'm just a few weeks away from real, audible, connection. I'm gonna ask... Oh my god! [MOIST] Is that from the League? [DR. HORRIBLE] It's from him! That's his seal, isn't it? [MOIST] The leader! Oh my god... [DR. HORRIBLE] I got a letter from Bad Horse. [MOIST] That's so hardcore. Bad Horse is legend, he rules the League with an iron hoof, are you sure you wanna... [ MOIST is suddenly cut off by the appearance of the BAD HORSE CHORUSE. They are dressed in western attire, and the form a group around DR. HORRIBLE and sing the contents of the letter.] [Track 3. "Bad Horse Chorus"] [BAD HORSE CHORUS] Bad Horse, Bad Horse, Bad Horse, Bad Horse He rides across the nation, the thoroughbred of sin He got the application that you just sent in It needs evaluation, so let the games begin A heinous crime, a show of force A murder would be nice of course Bad Horse, Bad Horse, Bad Horse, he's bad The Evil League of Evil is watching so beware The grade that you receive will be your last, we swear So make the Bad Horse gleeful, or he'll make you his mare You're saddled up; there's no recourse It's "Hi-ho Silver!" Signed, Bad Horse [MOIST] It's not a "no"... [DR. HORRIBLE] Are you kidding? This is great! I am about to pull a major heist. You know that Wonderflonium I need for the Freeze Ray? It's being transported tomorrow. [MOIST] Armored car? [DR. HORRIBLE] Courier van. Candy from a baby. [MOIST] You need anything dampened, or made soggy, or...? [DR. HORRIBLE] Thanks, but the League is watching. I gotta go this alone.