Jackie Hill Perry - My Life As A Stud lyrics

I remember the first time I kissed her lips As my heart began to flip, all moral convictions beginning to flip I, grabbed her hips and kissed her bottom lips because I always wanted to try it For many years the enemy infiltrated my thoughts with h*mos**ual merchandise and that day I decided to buy it But he tricked me He had me thinking that I could just try it one time and see what it was like and I could move on But it didn't work like that One year into me, him, hers relationship, my gender did a flip like that Sports bras over breasts, wife beater over chest, white tee over rest, now the Organs that qualify me as a woman lay flat as my back turned to the King I'm wearing boxers as if I got somethin' danglin' in between but nope, I'm still a queen It seems that our outward exterior is often shaped by the inward Richter scale of our self-esteem And mines was low I didn't know where to go with these perverted thoughts of mine I remember it started when some genitals were stuffed in my mouth at the age of 5 I'm growing up wondering why I'm crushing on girls when I know it's natural to like guys My heart steadily being hardened 'cuz no guy wanted I for I, just thighs Daddy kept saying hi, then bye, then hi Now I can't, no I can't, now I can't trust guys Then my d-a-d-d-y just up and died on me His funeral was the last time I stepped foot into a church I refused to deal with the eyes looking down on this Deep voiced masculine girl, yet couldn't see past my face to pray Past the pants falling past my waist Past the fitted caps and the braids Past the past hurts in my heart that patterned this ex-stud standing before you today All I wanted was a hug All I needed was someone telling me of God's love and the delivering power of His blood shed for the lost I had to realise how 1 Peter 2:24 lets me know how He became me on that cross A stud, so that I would be able to die to this sin and live for righteousness Yet then again this flesh I'm in was enjoying itself Even though the laws of truth were written on my heart, I still chose to choose I still chose to choose to deny Him, and if I didn't repent of my sin and trust in Him And this heart inside my chest stopped beating, 20 billion years would've went by and I still would've been frying I remember the first time I bought my first cyber skin strap-on I paid a hundred and thirty-five dollars 'cuz it was made to feel real Even though I couldn't feel that thrill, it was a mental thing I became a "touch-me-not" 'cuz I knew that if the big clothes I was hiding behind came off and she touched that spot, my masculine voice would drop And the femininity naturally placed inside of me would be easy to spot, so I had to keep it covered There was need for a latex rubber 'cuz underneath these jeans, ain't no s**m or testicles just eggs and ovaries I remember when I was done using that strap-on that I strapped on and it was time for me to use the restroom, I still had to sit down to pee What a reality check I never knew it would get this deep But when I opened the door, I completely fell in The scales covering my eyes just got thicker The darkness made no room for the light I actually started to consider hell in exchange for her being my wifey Then one day the Lord spoke to me He said "she will be the d**h of you" In that moment, the scripture, "for the wages of sin equal d**h" finally clicked As much as I thought that I loved her, my eternity wasn't worth that chick My eternity wasn't worth the hit My eternity was only worth having faith in what Christ did alone As my wooden nose of sin grew long of me lying to myself Instead of me dying to myself I was willing to die for myself There was no blue fairy whispering in my ear Only the devil and me telling me what I wanted to hear There was no Geppetto pulling on my strings I attached myself to them things Being pulled and manipulated by my flesh and them spiritual beings The more my wood of sin would grow, I could see it in my face I can see the wood in my face I can see Him stretched out on the wood in my face Being disgraced for the sin I was committing in His face Even though I saw His blood on the wood in my face Taking the wrath of the Father on the wood in my place I still spat in His face but His grace is sufficient As much as I wished I could be a real boy, my name is not Pinocchio I'm just me And He's just he The real G.O.D. and He's willing to set free all those that are really in need I know that some may say that they are born that way, but no my friend, you are not born gay You were born in sin and shaped in iniquity You were born in sin and shaped in iniquity When Eve ate that fruit, we were cursed to do anything We were open for murder We were destined to lose You were given free will You chose to choose You chose to choose to defy God's rules 'cuz inside of you You wanted to be like Him and make them I pray you bow now because when God comes back your knees will break in reverence like the philistine god, Dagon All I'm saying is that there is scripture after scripture to show you what ya heart already knows is wicked 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, Leviticus 18:22 and Romans 1:26-27 And please, don't be like lucifer by taking these scriptures out of context so that you can continue to cheat God out of His glory reverence You know what's dangerous about being a stud? We not only affect ourselves, but we affect all the chicks that we lay with We spend our whole relationship with that fem or stem, or whichever you choose, by trying to make up for all the people that left her heart bruised We become the father that left too soon, we become that dude that hit and quit after school, we become that mother that had too many rules By becoming the god that she's supposed to worship on Sunday afternoon We take on the task of pasting together every piece of her that's been broken and we leave Those pieces that we held onto so tightly in our hands fall to the floor Patiently waiting on the next person to come through the door Leaving her even more broken than she was before I know you may be thinkin' "man this is me, this is who I am" But the thing is, it's really not All the girls, clothes and etcetera are just lacklustre substitute for what you really need God See very feminine quality, every beautiful curve, every little thing makes you a woman, that you despise, was given to you for the glory of God Only if you could see with His eyes, you would see how beautiful you really are You are beautiful! You are beautiful! You are beautiful! I know your pain may run deeper than you or I know but you are not Pinocchio You cannot be a real boy, beautiful Be you, beautiful The you God created you to be, beautiful Be-You-Tiful Because He is worth it