J1K - My Suicide Letter lyrics

[Verse: 1 isuppose] "It's been a while since the people around me have seen me smile It's like I got a f**ing gun, and shot my inner child I remember being happy, just trying to make momma proud But nowadays I just feel like I let my momma down I'm sorry momma, I love you, and if it wasn't for you I would of k**ed myself a long time ago, that's the truth I remember being seventeen, locked up in my room Contemplating my f**ing life, thinking what should I do Feeling lost and confused, I swear I didn't wanna live And the saddest thing was, that I was only a kid And I know many kids these days who feel like I did Back when I was a teen, I see those scars on your wrist How many times have you tried, you cut yourself and you cry But it's hard to bleed to d**h, when you're truly empty inside That's why you're still alive, it wasn't your time to die It wasn't my time either, but now I just can't describe The pain that's inside my soul, I used to be in control Of my emotions, but nowadays I just feel like I'm just so Out of tune with my inner self, and I really don't know What I can do to make it better, and so it's k**ing me slow It's like a cancer, and rest in peace grandpa, I miss you A few days before you died, I was sitting right there with you At the hospital, thinking of the hard times you've been through And maybe if I k** myself, I can fly with you To heaven, but truth is, I don't think I'll ever get there I see demons when I go to sleep and I never get scared I sit there, empty and cold, with a f**ing dead stare Nightmares of walking through hell, just to get some fresh air Lord please answer my prayers, before I get this f**ing gun And shoot myself in the head, I just wish my heart was numb But it hurts so much, and I know k**ing myself is dumb This is my suicide letter, but wait, I'm not done." [Hook: Wolvang] "Can't you see, I am drowning in my tears, begging please I am trapped inside of here, my mind is my enemy It's not who I wanna be, yeahhh" [Verse: 2 isuppose] "I know alot of you will read this, and probably think I'm insane You probably think that I'm playing, not thinking of what I'm saying But to tell you the truth, I'm so emotionally drained And I promise you that many of fans, feel my pain They've seen me through all my struggle, they knew when I was in trouble From the bottom of my heart, I just wanna say I love you And to my best friend Jenny, I wish I could just hug you And tell you how much you mean to me, no one will come above you I promise to watch over you, and thank you for the love And for being there for me, when no one else gave a f** At my grandpa's funeral, I gave my momma a hug And seem her cry so much, and thought to myself, what the f** Is she gonna do, when she sees my body in a coffin I love you momma, and I just wish I said it more often And tell my dad I love him too, wish I wasn't so heartless Living life was hard enough, but saying goodbye is really the hardest Part, I know you're gonna miss me, but I'll be inside your heart Let me spirit be the light that guides you when life gets dark And to my sisters and my brothers, stay strong, don't fall apart I'm gonna miss you all, same with my sister and brother in law And all my nieces and nephews, and all my fans who cared The ones who sent messages, when no one else was there And told me to keep my head up, when I wanted to disappear And this bullet right here is gonna end all the fear I'm f**ing tired of the pain, I'm tired of feeling the same way Every day I wake up, I'm praying to God for change But it's like he doesn't listen, or maybe he's just ashamed I get it, it's all my fault, I know I'm the one to blame For constantly trying to make, everybody feel sorry for me I know my family loves me, I know that my fans adore me I'm sorry I'm just confused by all these demons in my mind This is my suicide letter, but wait, it's not my time." [Hook: Wolvang] "Can't you see, I am drowning in my tears, begging please I am trapped inside of here, my mind is my enemy It's not who I wanna be, yeahhh"