J Dilla - Impossible to LUV Her lyrics

They say I have a strong smile, yet a wild heart Feels like I've been playing the child from the start I wander through my heart, seems to be the darkest part But falling in love and gettin' your heart broken's the hardest part Started from childhood, she was the lovely essence Now I can't really look at her, runnin' from her presence And duckin' from affection, 'cause affection got me nowhere The dark thoughts and bitterness, huh, I'm so there I'm so aware of love being not what it seems Lookin' at her, I feel distraught and I wanna scream Every time I show affection, I just get rejected I'm not meant for it, I'm a hundred percent hesitive Deep thoughts in my head, ehh, swim circles Waitin' for the love in my spirit to lift urgent The pain, hurt, anger, bitterness, fits perfect Realizin' that lovin' her is not at all worth it How could I be just friends or a brother to her When I would have deep talks and share my lovin' to her I think I was smotherin' her, just buggin' with her Cause even the hugs seems like there's no lovin' in her And I'm under the Earth, I'm tryna reach the oxygen But bein' with her, it just seems impossible Distraught my soul is, in thought, I'm soulless Her face is somethin' that I always focused on I'm supposed to hold her and comfort her, it's confusin' I used to find her hugs and love always amusin' Seems like my heart is takin' lots of abusin' She makes me thoughtless and completely clueless And there's a spot in my heart for her But it's hard to not ignore her I've had a lot of hurt and blunder But I find it's impossible to love her