I don't know if it was real or in a dream Lately waking up, I'm not sure where I've been There was a table set for six and five were there I stood outside and kept my eyes upon that empty chair And there was steam on the windows from the kitchen And laughter like the language I once spoke with ease But I'm made mute by the virtue of decision I choose most of your life goes on without me Oh, the fear I've known That I might reap the praise of strangers And end up on my own All I've sown was a song but maybe I was wrong I said to you the one gift I'd adore Is the package of the next ten years unfolding But you told me if I had my way I'd be bored, I'd be bored And I knew I loved you best born of your scolding When we last talked, we were lying on our backs Looking at the sky through the ceiling I used to lie like that alone, out on the driveway 'Cause I was trying to read the Greek upon the stars The alphabet of feeling Oh, I knew back then, it was a calling That said, "If joy, then pain" The sound of the voice these years later Is still the same I am alone in a hotel room tonight I squeeze the sky out but there's not a star appears Begin my studies with this paper and this pencil And I'm working through the grammar of my fears Oh mercy, what I won't give To have the things that mean the most Not to mean the things I miss Unforgiving, choice still is The language or the kiss, yes, it is