It was Christmas Eve, and all was sleeping. All but The Loose Tapestries, who were writing a Christmas song. A new kind of Christmas song, that could be inhaled like a gas or sprinkled into the eyes of sleeeping children. Drunk on egg nog, this bombastic minstrels slipped down chimneys and pumped their new song into every turkey in England. This was their gift to the nation. For they were Loose Tapestries! I can't wait for Christmas to come! I can't wait for Christmas to come! I can't wait for Christmas to come! It's coming… coming… boom! Christmas, Christmas Heave ho! You never can tell Delivering gifts to the children's faces London town covered in snow Pocket full of mistle toe Pa, pa, pa, pa, pum! Pa, pa, pa, pa, pum! Pa, pa, pa, pa, pum! Christmas, Christmas Heave ho! You never can tell Riding through the streets on the Christmas turkey Baby Judas putting on the show Pocket full of Haribo Pa, pa, pa, pa, pum! Pa, pa, pa, pa, pum! Pa, pa, pa, pa, pum! AaaaAaaaAaaa! And let all the children sing: I can't wait for Christmas to come! I can't wait for Christmas to come! I can't wait for Christmas to come! It's comming… comming… boom! And I know that Christmas is coming! And I know that Christmas is coming! And I know that Christmas is coming! It's coming… coming… wooh! Thank you for the joystick Thank you for the socks Thank you for the Rolex Thank you for the yacht But this stationery - it be going in the dustbin! I'm gonna work hard on my body Gonna work hard in the night I just want to thank you, baby For this blue exercise bike But by february I'll be tapping up your sister! I can't wait for Christmas to come! Wooh! I can't wait for Christmas to come! Wooh! I can't wait for Christmas to come! It's coming… coming… wooh! Gonna wear my new Christmas trainers! Gonna wear my new Christmas trainers! Gonna wear my new Christmas trainers! Trainers… trainers… wooh! Heave ho! You never can tell Snowball fight with the local hard man Heave ho! How was I to know? Picking up my teeth in a decorated caravan Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! It's a terrible blow From the local hot head Ding dong! It feels so wrong Running through the soot In the naked frenzy Ding dong! It feels so good To cover my body In a bucket of goose fat And my wife is a walnut She's a Christmas walnut! [I yo do christmas lights To pick rock a pox Cause some boxer shorts And not pair of socks Last year this year Me my new x box Singing I want for christmas you Now i'm fullyjolly Sipping on the baileys I'm high and down When i'm looking for the bbq Pull on my cracker smoke A little piуce of dough Oh, my little helpers Help me] And let all the children sing: La, la, la, la, la, la...