Ian Dury & The Blockheads - Billericay Dickie lyrics

(Spoken) Good evening I'm from Ess** In case you couldn't tell My given name is Dickie, I come from Billericay And I'm doing very well Had a love affair with Nina In the back of my Cortina A seasoned up hyena could not have been more obscener She took me to the cleaners And other misdemeanours But I got right up between her Rum and her Ribena Well, you ask Joyce and Vicki If candy-floss is sticky I'm not a blinking thicky I'm Billericay Dickie And I'm doing very well I bought a lot of brandy When I was courting Sandy Took eight to make her randy And all I had was shandy Another thing with Sandy What often came in handy Was pa**ing her a 'Mandy' She didn't half go bandy So you ask Joyce and Vicki If I ever took the mickey I'm not a flipping thicky I'm Billericay Dickie And I'm doing very well I'd rendezvous with Janet Quite near the Isle of Thanet She looked more like a gannet She wasn't half a prannet Her mother tried to ban it Her father helped me plan it And when I captured Janet she bruised upon me granite So you ask Joyce and Vicki If I ever shaped up tricky I'm not a blooming thicky I'm Billericay Dickie And I'm doing very well You should never hold a candle if you don't know where it's been The jackpot is in the handle on a normal fruit machine So you ask Joyce and Vicki Who's their favourite brickie I'm not a common thicky I'm Billericay Dickie And I'm doing very well I know a lovely old toe-rag obliging and noblesse Kindly, charming shag from Shoeburyness My given name is Dickie I come from Billericay I thought you'd never guess So you ask Joyce and Vicki A pair of squeaky chickies I'm not a flaming thicky I'm Billericay Dickie And I'm doing very well Oh golly, oh gosh come and lie on the couch With a nice bit of posh from Burnham-on-Crouch My given name is Dickie, I come from Billericay And I ain't a sloutch So you ask Joyce and Vicki About Billericay Dickie I ain't an effin' thicky You ask Joyce and Vicki And I'm doing very well