Guttermouth - Jamie's Petting Zoo lyrics

I've had my pet Since i was nine years old I loved him and fed him But one day he attacked I knew he didn't love me back So i grabbed him like a football And punted fifty yards Now i hate pets Take yourself to the vet Now i hate pets Dolphins trapped in little nets Now i hate pets You little f**ing Screaming sh**-bag I should of let your mother Eat you, little f**er So i got a little birdy And i trained it everyday He knew 1000 words But then he flew away But then i got him back The f**er wouldn't shut his trap So i took him to the bathroom And rubbed his beak in sh** Now i hate pets Spotted owls in their nests Now i hate pets Bagged a deer and made a vest Now i hate pets Birds and bees and bears and bison Pigs and parrots and pandas I f**ing hate them all!!! I was walking through the park When a snake peered from his hole A perfect opportunity To take the ba*tard home I chopped his f**ing head off With my handy garden hoe And made a lovely hat-band For my redneck cousin bo, heee-haaw! Now i hate pets 10,000 volts to the chest Now i hate pets Fed my cat some cigarettes Now i hate pets You little f**ing Screaming sh**-bag ba*tard f** you, you f**ing pig-sh** licker, f**!!!!!!