Garfunkel And Oates - Weed Card lyrics

Everyone knows marijuana's dangerous And medical pot is really strong That's why it's so hard in California To get your weed card Unless something's really wrong Gonna pay a visit to my doctor It's a long shot but I gotta try She hands me a list of all the ailments I can have to qualify Can't believe what I am reading This is just what I've been needing A government supply To get legally high Weed card, that's what I need Hardly ever, okay, always But it's not an addiction 'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription You can get your card for having headaches, bad dreams or anxiety Propensity for d** or alcohol, anorexia or obesity Too fat, too thin, either way you win Carpal tunnel syndrome, color blindness St-st-stuttering, t-t-tooth decay Fatigue, depression, motion sickness Impotence or TMJ You can smoke to quit cigarettes For asthma or motherf**ing Tourette's It's a dream come true There's nothing pot can't do Weed card, that's what I need Hardly ever, okay, always But it's not an addiction 'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription Got back pain, need Mary Jane Can't handle this, need cannabis Got a stomach ache, gotta wake and bake Have an injury, need TCH Get f**ed up for your hyperhydrosis Which is sweaty palms in case you need a diagnosis It's not a crime, it's 420 time Weed card, that's what I need Hardly ever, okay, always But it's not an addiction 'Cause my doctor gave me a prescription