My friend Harvey married Tracey McColl By Christ, she was a scary ol' doll A voice out of hell and with a temper to boot Arms like a navvy and a face like dried fruit I bumped into Harvey back home last year Says I to him, "Do you want to go for a beer?" "No! Me sister's French husband is over," says he "I've been sent to get snails to impress him for tea." "I was down in the snail shop she told me to go I'm a little bit late because the business was slow... If I'm not home by six, I'll surely be done The missus will k** me, Let's just go for the one!" The one, the one, don't go for the one. Don't go for the one, for the one, for the one The one, the one, don't go for the one. Don't go for the one, for the one, for the one For the one went down fast the second did too Three of four followed 't was a fine how do you do! Harvey looked at his watch and shrieked out with fright It was twenty past ten, we'd been drinking all night! Well cursing my name, he sped cross the floor Clutching the snails he ran out the door "I'm a dead man!" he said "I'm drunk and I'm late!" As he tore down the road and up to his gate The one, the one, don't go for the one. Don't go for the one, for the one, for the one The one, the one, don't go for the one. Don't go for the one, for the one, for the one Well he opened the gate and he ran down the path For he knew he was in for the dragon's wrath But he tripped and he fell and up in the air Went the bag and with the snails flying everywhere Hearing the noise she kicked open the door Snails and Harvey were spread cross the floor "You're three hours late!!" she screamed, as loud as she could "What's your excuse? This had better be good!" Well he looks down at the snails and with a confident air He says "Five more feet lads, we're nearly there." The one, the one, don't go for the one. Don't go for the one, for the one, for the one The one, the one, don't go for the one. Don't go for the one, for the one, for the one