Free Beer - The Bear lyrics

Now me and a buddy was sittin' around in a hunting lodge bar and after we downed A couple 'a beer, some loud talking tourist got up and proposed a bet! He stood and he challenged anyone there who could hunt and k** and bring in a bear Would win all the beer that he could drink and when we heard that we got set! We had ninety eight bucks between us - no fear We had eight bucks for food and ninety for beer And we loaded our guns and ammunition lock, stock, barrel and bu*t! In the back of a car of unknown year, with three bald tires and no first gear A rusted busted automobile, with a monkey wrench for a steering wheel And both front doors, jammed and rusted, permanently shut! Well that weekend we shot some 'No Trespa**ing' signs And some gla** insulators for the telephone lines And any number of bottles and cans and let me see... also we knocked off Fourteen sheep, three cows, six frogs, we winged four hunters and woundedtheir dogs But we never even saw a bear, maybe it because we was half crocked! So we started home from our half baked trip, half hearted, half blind and half cut! In the back of a car of unknown year, with three bald tires and no first gear A rusted busted automobile, with a monkey wrench for a steering wheel And both front doors, jammed and rusted, permanently shut! Well we started on the highway with all that drinkin', by this time we was completely stinkin' And just didn't see that hairy form as it bounded in front of our wheels! Until too late I honked and steered and I jammed on the brakes, and I pumped and veered Amid the screamin' brake linings and ball bearing whinings and burning ear splittin' tire squeals! Well I couldn't help it! It wasn't my fault, I'm no hit and runner, so I came to a halt And we climbed out of the back door uneasy and queasy to see what it was that we'd struck! Large as life, but dead lying there, stretched out on the road was a full grown bear! We stared, we looked at each other and smiled, we couldn't believe our luck! So we loaded 'im into the back of the car, hide hair and gut! In the back of a car of unknown year, with three bald tires and no first gear A rusted busted automobile, with a monkey wrench for a steering wheel And both front doors, jammed and rusted, permanently shut! Driving home we started a song and we weren't singin' it for very long When we noticed a peculiar third ba** voice, joining in slightly off key! We were seeing double, but I've never heard of hearing double and then it occurred A hairy, scary, incredible theory, something that just couldn't be! But as if to confirm it wasn't a joke, the bear who had only been stunned awoke With a snore and a roar and a scowl and a growl like a rampant bull Rhino in rut! In the back of a car of unknown year, with three bald tires and no first gear A rusted busted automobile, with a monkey wrench for a steering wheel And both front doors, jammed and rusted, permanently shut! Well here in the hospital things are quiet and if it wasn't too painful to cry then I'd try it But mostly I sit here and listen to my buddy moaning in the opposite bed! It wasn't what you think though, it wasn't the bear that caused all this physical wear and tear 'twas the goddamned monkey wrench that spun off the drivin' shaft! I thought we were all dead When we hit the ditch! As for the bear, he's three beds over you can hear him swear Moanin' and groanin' and complainin' and painin' about wantin' to get home but... In the back of a car of unknown year, with three bald tires and no first gear A rusted busted automobile, with a monkey wrench for a steering wheel And both front doors, jammed and rusted, permanently shut! Both front doors, jammed and rusted, permanently shut!