Fred Schneider - Ladies in Drag (Foreword by Fred Schneider) lyrics

[Foreword by Fred Schneider] Oh Jesus, Brenda. Let me tell you about this cabaret show I saw last night. My god, what a piece of campy trash. The lights dim, this drag queen, i forget her name... "Dean Monsen" or I don't know. Comes out, ratted hair, gothic makeup, s*utty outfit... She was the worst! And her piano player Gave me a headache. This girl was all comedy and no glamour, I tell you it's one of the biggest pieces of crap I've ever have to endure. [Jinkx Monsoon] I'd like to propose a toast. Here's to the ladies in drag, everybody clap. Covered in makeup to hide all our sags; spilling co*ktails in our lap. Off to a show or to a party; worried we're fat. And looking low, while sipping Bacardi; adjusting our hat… 'Cause let's face it, does anyone but a drag queen still wear a hat? I'll drink to that. And here's to the girls who stay smart, aren't they a gasp? Rushing to their cla**es in performance art, knowing they won't pa**. Another long, exhausting night, the drag scene can be risky. You lose a heel, get in a fight; thank God for cheap well whiskey. I'll drink to that. And one for RuPaul… And here's to the girls who wear crowns; aren't we too much? Running around in our high heels and gowns, thinking we're in touch. The ones who follow the rules; and use the appropriate tools, too gorgeous to care if we're fools… Aren't they a gem? I'll drink to them! Let's all drink to them! And here's to the girls who just watch, aren't they the best? When they get depressed it's a bottle of scotch, plus a little jest. Another chance to disapprove, another brilliant singer… Another reason not to move, another vodka stinger… I'l drink to that! And here's to the girls in the show, everybody thrive. Look into our eyes and you'll see what we know, everybody dies! A toast to this invincible crew! The divas in size 15 shoes, let's hear it for the girls with updos… Everybody rise! Rise! Rise!