Franklin P. Adams - It Happens in the B.R. Families lyrics

'Twas on the shores that round our coast From Deal to Newport lie That I roused from sleep in a huddled heap An elderly wealthy guy. His hair was graying, his hair was long, And graying and long was he; And I heard this grouch on the shore avouch, In a singular jazzless key: "Oh, I am a cook and a waitress trim And a maid of the second floor, And a strong chauffeur and a housekeeper, And the man who tends the door!" And he shook his fists and he tore his hair, And he started to frisk and play, Till I couldn't help thinking the man had been drinking, So I said (in the Gilbert way): "Oh, elderly man, I don't know much Of the ways of societee, But I'll eat my friend if I comprehend However you can be "At once a cook and a waitress trim And the maid of the second floor, And a strong chauffeur and a housekeeper, And the man who tends the door." Then he smooths his hair with a nervous air, And a gulp in his throat he swallows, And that elderly guy he then lets fly Substantially as follows: "We had a house down Newport way, And we led a simple life; There was only I," said the elderly guy, And my daughter and my wife. "And of course the cook and a waitress trim And the maid of the second floor, And a strong chauffeur and a housekeeper, And the man who tends the door." "One day the cook she up and left, She up and left us flat. She was getting a hundred and ten a mon- Th, but she couldn't work for that. "And the waitress trim was her bosom friend, And she wouldn't stay no more; And our strong chauffeur eloped with her Who was the maid of the second floor. "And we couldn't get no other help, So I had to cook and wait. It was quite absurd," wept the elderly bird. "I deserve a better fate. "And I drove the car and I made the beds Till the housekeeper up and quit; And the man at the door found that a bore, Which is why I am, to wit: "At once a cook and a waitress trim And the maid of the second floor, And a strong chauffeur and a housekeeper, And the man who tends the door."