Franklin P. Adams - A Perfect Woman Nobly Planned lyrics

(The man who wants the perfect wife should marry a 'stock-size.' She comes cheaper.-_London Chronicle_.) Ah, Myrtilla, woe and dear me! Lackadaydee and alas! What is this, I greatly fear me, That has come to pa**? Craving, as I do, perfection, Loathing anything like flaws, I must raise a slight objection To your building laws. You are five one-and-a-quarter, And your girth is thirty-three- Myrtie, you're a little shorter Than you ought to be. It is far from my intentions Your proportions to describe, Briefly, Myrtie, your dimensions Do not seem to jibe. Farewell, Myrt, for Ethelisa Seems to be my certain fate, Stupid? Silly? Sure, but she's a Perfect thirty-eight.