Frank Wildhorn and Nan Knighton - The Scarlet Pimpernel lyrics

[PERCY] Lud love me such conjecturing Could drive a man insane! And I'm the one to set This gossip quite to rest The Pimpernel is me! [MARGUERITE] Indeed, and I'm the queen of Spain! [ARMAND] The Pimpernel is nothing But a nosy pest! [A WOMAN] No, the vicar says the Pimpernel's A bishop in disguise [MARIE] Who gives absolution Night and day! [A MANSERVANT] Stuff and nonsense! Don't you know He's a maharajah from Bombay? [A WOMAN] They say he has enormous feet! [A MANSERVANT] And that he tends to overeat! [A WOMAN] I've heard he's fussy with his food [LADY LLEWELLYN] And eats his breakfast in the nude! [WOMEN] Is he robust Or very pale? At least we know he's male! Who is the Scarlet Pimpernel? [A MAID] Me sister says his breath Is sweeter than an Irish rose! [MAIDS] I'm sure I'd fall in love If he would cross my path! [A MANSERVANT] La, yes if you could overlook The warts upon his nose [A MANSERVANT] And possibly persuade him He should take a bath! [A WOMAN] Rumor has it he's Castilian! [A WOMAN] He's a reckless buccaneer! [LADY LLEWELLYN] And I hear he carries sev'ral ... whips ... [PERCY, spoken] Several ... whips?! [ARMAND] He's a sultan from Kabul [MARIE] With women at his fingertips! [A WOMAN] They say he's nearly eight feet tall! [A WOMAN] And yet quite graceful - [A MANSERVANT] Folderol! [A MANSERVANT] I'm told he waddles when he walks [MENSERVANTS] And often twitches when he talks! [A MANSERVANT] Is he a dolt? [PERCY] He's very deep! [ALL] Oh, England's losing sleep! [PERCY] Who is this blasted Pimpernel? [A MANSERVANT] The butcher in the village Claims he saw the man last week [PERCY, spoken] Where? [A MANSERVANT] Galloping his camel 'cross the moor! [A WOMAN] He's been seen [A MANSERVANT] Wearing full Blakeney green! [PERCY] I've told you all before! The fella's me! [A MANSERVANT] It's George the Third! [A MANSERVANT] Perhaps a convict run amok? [A MANSERVANT] This Pimpernel could be most any sod! [PERCY, spoken] How dare you? [A WOMAN] Bite your tongue He is dashing and young! [WOMEN] The Pimpernel's a god! And he'll find me! And he'll wake me! And he'll take me [LADY LLEWELLYN] Down on a haystack [WOMEN] He'll face me [MEN] Then at last you could tell If he's a hero or a monk A fiddling Nero or a drunk! Who is the Scarlet Pimpernel? [PERCY, spoken] It's me, it's me! [A MAN] I'm sure he's flatulent and cra**! [MEN] Hear, hear! The man's a horse's a**! [WOMEN] No, no! He's neighborly and kind [LADY LLEWELLYN] But quite erotically inclined ... [ALL] Whatever guise he may employ He's England's pride and joy! This plucky non-pareil! [PERCY] This lucky bloody swell! [ALL] Who is the Scarlet Pimpernel?