[BRATT] Gentlemen! Gentlemen! A secretary is not a toy No, my boy Not a toy to fondle and dandle And playfully handle In search of some puerile joy No, a secretary is not Definitely not A toy [3 MEN] You're absolutely right, Mr. Bratt! We wouldn't have it any other way, Mr. Bratt! It's a company rule, Mr. Bratt! [MALE ENSEMBLE] A secretary is not a toy No, my boy Not a toy So do not go jumping for joy Boy! A secretary is not A secretary is not A secretary is not A toy [BRATT] A secretary is not a pet Nor an erector set It happened to Charlie McCoy Boy, they fired him like a shot The day the fellow forgot A secretary is not A toy! [FEMALE ENSEMBLE] She's a highly specialized key Component of operation unity... A fine and sensitive mechanism To serve the office community [SMITTY] With a mother at home She supports [BRATT] And you'll find nothing like her at F.A.O. Schwartz! A secretary is not to be Used for play therapy Be good to the girl you employ Boy, remember, no matter what Neurotic trouble you've got [MALE ENSEMBLE] A secretary is not A toy [FEMALE ENSEMBLE] A secretary is not a thing [?] key, hold by string Her pad is to write in And not spend the night in If that's what you plan to enjoy No! [COMPANY] The secretary you got Is definitely not Employed to do a gavotte Or you know what Before you jump for joy Remember this, my boy A secretary is not A tinker toy!