Flanders & Swann - The Wild Boar lyrics

If you hear a loud 'whoosh' In the African bush And an animal comes to the fore Who is basically pig But more hairy and big You will know you have met with a Boar You are glued to the spot; Will he k** you or not? No need to have fears about that Now he's made you stand fast And you're cornered at last All he wants is a nice little chat But don't be misled; Soon you'll wish you were dead That instead he was after your gore For Oh, Oh what a bore he is, what a thundering thumping bore! In monotonous grunts he will tell you of hunts Where for days he'd eluded the field He will tell you his sow should be farrowing now And enlarge on her annual yield He will say with an air, that for brushing the hair His bristle's the elegant thing And proudly confide they are after his hide For no less a man than a King Then a joke he will try as you stifle a sigh And deny that you've heard it before Thinking Oh, Oh what a bore he is, what a thundering thumping bore! As you laugh at his jokes (Ha ha ha ha ha ha) 'I'm a popular bloke', he will think When you're ready to burst Then 'Hello there!' he'll cry To each poor pa**er-by The ones that have not seen him first For on sight of the beast they will run to the east And the north and the west and the south And long for the day when his head's on a tray With an lemon to stop up his mouth They south as they run; 'He's an excellent son An a wonderful fellow, We're sure!' But Oh, Oh what a bore he is, what a thundering thumping Down-in-the-dump-ing (Grunt grunt grunt grunt) Thumping bore!