Flanders & Swann - The Elephant lyrics

A elephant's life is tedious, laborious and slow I've been an elephant all me life so I blooming well ought to know He never forgets a name or face ooooh! He knows his way from place to place ooooh! Remembers to be dutiful And when to push and when to pull An when he's dead the dealer calls And buys his tusks for billiard balls ooooh! And all because an elephant's got a perfect memory That wasn't the life for me! So I'm suffering form amnesia My mind's a perfect blank! Now life is very much easier Amnesia's to thank; I'm being psychoan*lysed I lie on a divan And flap me ears and try to look a barmy as I can! I'm an Introverted, Elephocentric, Hypochondriac And I'll stick in the Elephant's nursing home Till I get me memory back! I'm suffering from Hysteria I nearly split me sides To watch the others get wearier Of giving children rides; I've told my psychoan*lyst That I'm a sacred cow I'd like to carry a Howdah But I can't remember how I'm an Introverted, Elephocentric, Hypochondriac And I'll stick in the Elephant's nursing home Till I get me memory back! I suffer from Schizophrenia It comes on me in spells Sometimes I'm King of Armenia At others I'm Orson Welles I tell them I'm Napoleon And all that sort of bunk They never guess that all the time I'm laughing up me trunk! I'm an Introverted Elephocentric Hypochondriac And I'll stick in the Elephants' nursing home Till I get me memory back! Tra-tiddle-tumty-tumty tra-tiddletum! Practising me trumpet half the night Tra-tiddle-tumty-tumty tra-tiddletum! And I'll stick in the Elephants' nursing home Till I get me memory, get me memory, get me memory back!