Couple of guys sittin' 'round drinking Down at the Starlight Bar One of em' says, "You know I've been thinking..." Other one says, "That won't get you too far." He says, "This is your life, and welcome to it It's just working and drinking and dreams Ad on TV says 'Just Do It.' Hell if I know what that means." The secret of life is a good cup of coffee The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball The secret of life is a beautiful woman; Marilyn stares down from the barroom wall You and me, we're just a couple of zeros Just a couple down an' outs Movie stars and football heroes Whadda they got to be unhappy about? Yeah... So they turn to the bartender Sam, what do you think What's the key that unlocks that door? Sam don't say nothin', just wipes off the bar And he pours them a couple more Secret of life is in Sam's martinis The secret of life is in Marilyn's eyes The secret of life is in Monday Night Football Rolling Stones' records, mom's apple pie Sam looks up from his Sunday paper Says "Boys you're on the wrong track The secret of life is there ain't no secret And you don't get your money back." Hey The secret of life is gettin' up early The secret of life is stayin' up late The secret of life is try not to hurry But don't wait Don't wait The secret of life is a good cup of coffee The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball The secret of life is to find the right woman The secret of life is nothing at all (Oh it's nothin' at all.) The secret of life... Couple guys sittin' 'round drinking Down at the Starlight Bar One of 'em says, "You know I've been thinking..." Other one says "That won't get you too far." That won't get you too far