eyenine - Selfish or self destructive lyrics

Like a chameleon exposed, my colors change again As i move through all these periods and isolated trends Go ahead, you know you want to ask to see my color show I hate to disappoint but even i dont really know It's changed so many nights, while i've traded many fights I've forgotten, now i've lost my only way to make it right It took someone i care for to remind me what i've done How i push people away so that they'd never see me run I've burned so many bridges like my pride was still at stake Acting like i didn't care while living life as such a fake A defense mechanism that was given by my hate I guess it is pathetic, something i learned a little late I relate to lives i've changed with times i made a blind escape It's found a way to try my patience, now i wait for mine to break So i return to telling lies that these rhyme structures make Having learned in my life that it's time that doesn't wait While my mind fluctuates, i feel my side brush my fate That little nudge is what i love to help me find something great I'll move again... Another intersection comes, with neither way paved And there isn't any beaten path for me to run away To the east i can be selfish, walking forward on my own And to the west is self destruction leading two along the road Where do i go? As i pa**ed through many towns it was immediate acceptance Into circles, which surprised me how they easily befriended A vagabond to tag along in all their ritual endeavors Without a second question like i'd known them since forever I was young, and alone, so i thought that it was great Learning everybody's name and their history to date I was the life of the party, telling stories of my past They hung on every word, even the boring ones i had Had they known i'd be leaving in such a short amount of time I wonder if they'd be the same and still be so inclined And the worst part of all, when i really had to go I couldn't tell them, so i vanished, i just couldn't let them know They would call, i wouldn't answer, and they'd call another day But after a few weeks, even the calls began to fade What was i to say? they were a temporary fix? That i knew from the beginning they were friends that i could ditch? And the part that really makes me feel like i'm a piece of sh**... Are the messages i kept, saying that i am truly missed Now i'll return to telling lies that these rhyme structures make Having learned in my life that it's time that doesn't wait While my mind fluctuates, i feel my side brush my fate That little nudge is what i love to help me find something great Ill move again... Last time my feet pressed against earth It was the people that surrounded me that ended up hurt What's worse? this guilt can't pull me down Take away my wings and relieve me of this crown Not now, not ever, i can never go back To that place where the light never stretched out its grasp In the darkness i pondered what wonders light offered I wandered to the hills and tried to build them taller I fought so long to get my head above the clouds Climbing this mountain gripping fingers in the ground I would have noticed all the bodies if i ever looked down But so focused to the stars, i guess i never heard a sound The sacrifices made and the blood of my friends They got me here today and i can never make amends The reasons to stay couldn't change why i left There was nothing there for me in those dark decaying depths Of hell on earth, i didn't know what was worse I stood among the shadows, conversed among the cursed I'll return to telling lies that these rhyme structures make Having learned in my life that it's time that doesn't wait While my mind fluctuates, i feel my side brush my fate That little nudge is what i love to help me find something great I'll move again