ERB - Abe Lincoln VS Chuck Norris Epic Rap Battles of History #3 lyrics

[Lincoln]: Four score and sixty-five years in the past I won the Civil War with my beard Now I'm here to whup your a** I've read up on your facts You cure cancer with your tears? Well, tell me Chuck How come you never sat down and cried on your career? You're a washed up has-been On TV selling Total Gyms And you're gonna lose this battle Like you lost Return of the Dragon I'll rip your chest hairs out, put 'em in my mouth I'll squash you like I squashed the South I never told a lie and I won't start now You're a horse with a limp, I'll put you down [Chuck Norris]: This isn't Gettysburg, punk, I'd suggest retreating For I invented rap music when my heart started beating Chuck Norris doesn't battle, he just allows you to lose My raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth [Lincoln]: I've got my face on the side of a mountain You voted for John McCain I've got a bucket full of my head And I'm about to make it rain You block bullets with your beard? I catch 'em with my skull I'd make fun of Walker, Texas Ranger But I've never even seen that show [Chuck Norris]: I am Chuck f**ing Norris I've spread more blood and gore Than forty score of your puny Civil Wars, b**h I split the Union with a roundhouse kick I wear a black belt on the beard that I grow on my dick I attack sharks, when I smell them bleed I don't go swimming, water just wants to be around me My fists make the speed of light wish that it was faster You may have freed the slaves But Chuck is everyone's master