Eminem - ShadyXV lyrics

[Verse 1] I'm liable to start a violent spark with a silent thought I disgust you like dialogue from The Shop to The Wired Frog Night club, sh**, I was taught if your CD's on fire You had to put it out yourself like Highland Park, no fire department So you might not hear sirens at all But don't be alarmed if I sound off Something just ain't right with me, dawg A martyr on a private charter, whose life could be harder? Widely regarded highly, bite me, sweetheart, I'm slightly retarded But tonight I'm starting sh**, I'm feeling self righteous I might just hop in a mosh pit on some Mike Tyson and Pac sh** Looking to box with anybody, disorderly conduct I'll f** around and snort a key and pick a fight with a locksmith Fan of the LOX, bananas, manic, I'm going in shock Frantic, I'm trapped in a closet Panic attack cause I'm claustrophobic No, f*ggot, I mean I can't maneuver from movement Cause I have no room for improvement I'm practically squashed, unpacked it and boxed it Toxic, hands are arsenic, flammable bars, examine the content Bar exam, start of insanity Charles Hamilton slash Manson and Bronson Animal snarls, cannibal jaws Shark mandibles, lambs to the slaughter Looking scamp as Hannibal stalking Anthony Hopkins with his hands in his pockets Black out, Zach Galifianakis, gallons of Vodka But that gal has some knockers I bet you they ring a bell when I come back and I'm conscious What happened, doc? I pa**ed out again Alcohol's making me break into vacant's naked Stole a Magnum box and bag Cirocs in back of a Datsun Fell asleep watching Fear Factor and Scare Tactics Too close to the StairMaster Poked a hole in the air mattress and popped it Woke up shortly thereafter, hungover No underwear, grasping a Bayer Aspirin and dropped it Air Max in my closet, preposterous Nikes made out of ostrich And the cross stitching is a cross mixing Of a rhinoceros, possum skin, giraffe and a dolphin Fin Dockers, OshKoshes, drop crotches Swatch watches and sneakers matches with the Parkers But it's like being overstaffed at a boxing gym With all these trainers, but I don't have any boxers And I'm standing here naked, hangover, still wasted Like paper you write raps on, obnoxious Yo, why does it always sound like I'm grabbing my nostrils? f** that, I'll battle 'em all, I'll battle a mall I’ll stand there and yell that at a wall Until the mannequin doll scatter and the inanimate objects That I'm battering all shatter and fall Cause I hear the track and I'm starting to get f**ing amped I'mma spark plug, I'm like the car with the cables hooked up to my f**ing back, I'm a Duracell But I sure as hell got it backwards cause y'all could get jumped And I'd catch the battery charge, but I got a hunch like your back when it's arching When I start attacking your squadron You'll feel like MasterCard when I'm charging So take a swipe at me, I'm coming straight at you Like Clay Matthews from the Green Bay Packers So get the sack of Wisconsin That's nutbag that I'm talking, who am I kidding? You f*ggots are all gonna do my bidding Don't get dragged to the auction Neiman Marcus, bags of Vuitton and all I'll push a b**h into oncoming traffic, just watch this Stretched, tinted, black sedan my a** See how mad you act when I drop you off at Saks Fifth Ave In a f**ing taxi cab to go shopping Affable guy next door is laughable My next who*e's gonna have mechanical arms That'll jack me off with a lotion dispenser with a motion sensor No emotion hence I guess this sick prick dies hard I got a Magic Johnson It's like a Magic Wand allows me to not let a blonde arouse me If Ronda Rousey was on the couch with the condoms out Holding a thousand Magnums at once to pounce me I'll laugh in response to how she dances and flaunts it around me Her flat little badonkadonk is bouncing around And all I see is Paulie Malign now, she's slaughterhouse in a blouse And Madonna with mud on her, God dammit I am misogynist I slap Linda Ronstadt with a lobster, throw her off a balcony Just so happens she's fond of algae Cause now she's faceplants on the concrete Complete lack of responsibility Half you a**holes ain't strong enough to pick up a spirit sh**, you f*gs couldn't shoplift at a thrift shop But I let the track lift 'em up, boost the energy Klepto, I'm back to rip shop up, but my thing is this now Five-finger discount Been rapping so long I've been k**ing this sh**, it's easy Kidnapping your mom cause I'm still in this b**h, thievery Ransom for JonBenét Ramsey, Chandra Levy, and Gary Condit ("Em") Paul was scared that if I went back to the blonde I might relapse, get on some bullsh** Perhaps I'll launch some cracker taunts at Action Bronson Macklemore, Mac Miller and Asher Roth And have some back and forths And record a wack response to Kendrick Lamar's "Control" verse And perform "Fack" in concert ["Fack" plays] Yo, I put that sh** on a greatest hits album Now that was awesome It takes some ma**ive balls to do some sh** like that Sometimes I have to ponder why people are like (I'll stick around) And put up with my crap so long for What's the attraction, mama? Is it the fact that I'm a walking, talking, actual quadruple entendre Or the pointy nose that's pointing at you, mama? Who knows at this point, it's always poking so meh Still get along with this voice cause that's the monster So do-si-do with a sociopath, everyone who knows me knows that What they don't know is the fact Rihanna calls me Pinocchio, meh She loves the way I lie Sits on my face and waits for my nose to grow Pathological liar, oh, why am I such an a**hole That my disguise is pants, but they on fire So am I-a, wooh, Cappadonna, cut the track off (fart sound) Sabotage Christmas, crap in your stocking I'm wrapping up all the presents In f**ing camouflage so you can't even find 'em Jack Santa Claus, snap Rudolph's antlers off Wrap his schnoz in gauze bandage and blind him Blowing the head gasket at Bed, Bath and Beyond Put the basket back while the bath salt packets are gone, I Know you really tired of me sampling Billy Squier But cla**ic rock acid rap is the genre Got Slash on guitar, splashing Bizarre, Thrasher and Aerosmith And I'm a spectacular archer, feed count Dracula Chocula Godzilla, half dragon and Bob Dylan Bandwagoners, I'm kicking the damn stragglers off and I'm strangling 'em Smack Kim Basinger on a a**....