Unfunny uncles who insist In trying on a lady's hat --Oh, even if the joke falls flat we share your slight transvestite twist In spite of our embarra**ment Costume and custom are complex The headgear of the other s** Inspires us to experiment Anandrous aunts, who, at the beach With paper plates upon your laps Keep putting on the yachtsmen's caps With exhibitionistic screech The visors hanging o'er the ear So that the golden anchors drag --The tides of fashion never lag Such caps may not be worn next year Or you who don the paper plate Itself, and put some grapes upon it Or sport the Indian's feather bonnet --Perversities may aggravate The natural madness of the hatter And if the opera hats collapse And crowns grow draughty, then, perhaps He thinks what might a miter matter? Unfunny uncle, you who wore a Hat too big, or one too many Tell us, can't you, are there any Stars inside your black fedora? Aunt exemplary and slim With avernal eyes, we wonder What slow changes they see under Their vast, shady, turned-down brim