Elephant - The Philosophy of Suicide lyrics

What went wrong today? Everything is so controlled Ideals were abraded by reason Impotent dreams on an overcast day Out of the depths I have cried and no one has heard Gods and heroes and imaginary companions Unrequited promises no longer suffice Rhythm to repetition, perseverance to insanity Just because you're alive doesn't mean others should want you Knowledge is temptation, I repulse myself On the borderline between neurosis and psychosis Dissecting my actions instead of being in the present I dissociated my fear and allowed it to advise me I am not a messiah, I am a man in trouble An unbearable waste with no excuse Pathetic and scared by grotesque loneliness Morality wasted in isolation Tomorrow's smile never comes for me Ambitious but incapable, weak without direction Another spring prepares me for another summer alone And there is no return from the k**ing hour To be honest it is not this world I hate But the circumstances which shaped my mediocrity Fading in an abyss of inaction, said the mirror This is not a work of fiction - this is my life Rape the children for their own good Scars awaken a tragic sense of destiny Hope is deception born in alienation To the frantic throbbing of my own heart Sorry does nothing, objectifying me with pity Removing yourself from blame, feigning innocence If those who find me claim to love me, where were they when I needed them? Some friends would have been nice Always anticipating, never receiving, I wait I may see her soon and I will never leave her again Perhaps next year, perhaps one day, perhaps never I am not a child yet I am so inferior At last I reach out, but am I too late? Ideation of a choice as I pace in agitation I just wish I could go back and reverse this mistake I wanted to dance with her one last time Denial, anger, bargaining, depression Anger, depression, bargaining, anger Depression and anger in a cycle of envy I did nothing to deserve this, I did nothing Stop this please - I'm in pain Why doesn't anyone care? And who will tell her that I've died? And how will she know how I suffered? At last I surrender to tears As I trace my veins All I can think of is her And how much it hurts HELP ME